...

haiz, so much to do these few days, so many things on my mind. lack of destressing and comfort from the cruel world. losing my appetite losing out on sleep, losing my mind, losing my grip on reality, losing the feelings in my lgs, arms, whole body. wishing for some hole in the earth to swallow me up and never spit me back out. feeling useless and redundant. feeling like as if i've done nothing even though it has been something. feeling like i'd just wanna puke my guts out. feeling lost and alone. words don't seem to do the trick, hugs take the pain away for a while. worries on my mind that i have no control of. sickness enveloping me, pain wrecking me, hope leaving me and love? its still there. its the only thing keeping me going. it seems like life isn't worth holding on to, sometimes i wish a heart attack will just pop by and say its distructive hello.
maybe i am secretly suicidal, a secret even unknown to myself. maybe i am doomed to an early grave, wad a reprive it'd be. but i can't just leave, some much to finish, so much to take care of... so many souls that i cherish and love too much to leave behind. may god have mercy on me and the rest of the world. the jealousy of my heart adds to the pain i already have, though not as bad as a loss of a loved one, still painful and distuctive to my emotions, self-confidence and faith in others. God, why am i so selfish? pls help me... so much i wana let out, so much i cannot share. the pain u don't see, the pain i don't show. the tears of blood i cry unseen, the wounds upon me invisible, the loss of spirit in life. if anyone of my friends reads this, dun think twice about it. its just stress, or is it? hell awaits me. i hope none of u blessed folks join me there.

Sweetheart, i'm happy u have finally found something u really love. i just hope we will last as long as we said we would. but then agian... like u said what isn't our's just isn't.

Back again

Good Lord is been like bloody ages since i'v updated.... guess haven't had the time and just too lazy... hahas... anyhows my life in SP is pretty fun and well been slacking loads la! hmmm not a good thing i know but hey everybody's a slacker once in a while right? haha. yeah now i'm in tennis but haven't had bloody training in frigging ages! haiz! so bloody pissed! okok well its been tests la thats why. Hmmm dunno why, but everytime my darling, who's studying in NP btw, goes for dance or even mentions it, i feel a tinge of jealousy and a little or should i say very insecure... maybe its cos i know i'm not that great a guy and i'm fat and all, but sheesh it gets scary when my mind begins to wander off into thoughts that frighten me even more. but enough of that shit! been crying over that bloody f*ing nonsense for too damn long! haiz.... oh well got lotsa shit to do so yeas cya! ciaoz! and take care! btw i have a cold sore on my lip and it blody f*ing hurts! guess my mouth's too dirty haha!