Its My Life! Trying To Live It Up To Its Fullest!

back again

2009-06-06T11:18:00.000-07:00

Many moons have past since I've last blogged. Well I've now finally passed outta bmt and have gone through the signals course. Thus now I'm a full fledged signaller in 46th sar. I sort of like the PT there. PT makes me feel good everytime I run and have a physical workout. well, aside from that, I've finaly taken my advanced open water course and am now an advanced diver! Woohooo! Buying my dive gear before my trip was indeed a good move. All in all I spent close to 3.7k on diving. Ridiculous I know but hey! I'm more comfortable with my personal gear now! Gosh my dive trip was awesome! Met some new and awesome friends and was reaccquainted with an old one, pulau dayang! Haha. Dayang has in fact gotten more beautiful since my last visit! And hey guess wad, I'm going back in 2 weeks time! Yahoo! Cannot wait!

Random thoughts:
Would thou believeth me if I said that I've fallen for thee? Would thou relyth on logic and say that it be an impossibility? Or would thou believeth me and accept my love for thee. Am I once again reading too much into something which may not exist? Or am I simply carrying my hopes up too high? Would thou taketh my hand and leadeth me to thine's own heart, or leaveth me to hang in this emultion of confunsion and disappointment. Once thine hath sayeth that love complicates life. But does it not maketh life more beautiful and worthwhile as well? Whatever your choice be, cometh the day of thine's decision, let it be known to thee that my heart is in thine's precious hands and thine's only.

ARMY! Gosh...

2009-01-02T07:18:00.000-08:00

Well, you've guessed it! I've finally enlisted. Heck been the property of the SAF for just about a month now and DANG! I'm having a blast! Wooohooooo! Never thought that BMT would be this fun. I'm also rather surprised at how many chubby guys there actually are in Singapore! LOL! Hmmm since i'm in the obese batch, I should be this surprised now should I? Well, well, well, I'm told strictly not to reveal my training and schedule though I don't see a point to all this secrecy. Still I must abide to all the rules lest I wanna extend my service period, which I DON'T! So anyway, I'll Just give you guys the basics of where I am. As you all should know, I'm in Pulau Tekong serving my Basic Millitary Training and thus far, it's be awesome! All my commanders are great! They seriously look out for our well being and welfare! Wahaha! "D" coy is the most awesome-est coy a fat guy can hope for! The training is not too tiring and is a little too relaxed for my liking but hey, why complain?! LOL! The Army is afraid us Chubby buggers might pop an artery if we train too hard like those fitter, slimmer guys. But training is not everything. There is much enforcement on the basic everyday human stuff like personal hygene of which my bunk-mate has NONE! Discipline, ethics and so on and so forth... But I have to admit that the guys whom are with me on this journey are in all a great bunch of fellows! None of that gangster shit going on too much so that's a relief. I'd hate to see people get clobbered for no bloody reason. And yes what the commanders say is true; that every book out is precious! I missed my family whilst in camp and missed many of my close pals. Some of whom are also journeying down this road of conscription with me. Good gosh is it the new year already? Damn that's fast and to think Christmas blew by like leaves on a windy day... Much of my mind has been so pre-occupied with training and what not that I almost forget that I have friends to talk to and catch up with! Haha! Well on to the life of a fresh NS-man! Hmmm communial living has been rather interesting and challenging with tempers flaring and fights just on the verge of breaking out. But my outlook is that if I can manage a peaceful means to help disarm the situation, I will. Through the physical and mental training, many of my platoon mates and I have forged bonds, bonds which I hope will see us through our conscription. I somehow find myself always trying to encourage people, albeit not in the traditional manner of cheering them on. Sometimes I even lash out at some of my bunk mates for not doing things right. I just hope that they see and understand my reasons for doing what I've done. All I hope is that no matter what, all of us will make it through this challenging time and evolve to become soldiers from mere boys.

Aside from NS, its the holiday season! And now, I kinda understand why some people say its the toughest time for singles... Not having that special someone to share those tender moments with and see the nights through really has gotten to me... Hell, I don't even have a the luxury of trying to woo someone, seeing as my heart has been stolen and is a little too far for me to reach... Bleagh...

Bubbling thoughts and feelings...

2008-08-31T10:14:00.000-07:00

Hmmm i guess its been awhile since I last made an entry...

Well, I guess its funny how the departure of friends and family leave you feeling that you're a little more empty and that your world has suddenly become a little less full... Though their return is inevitable, you still feel the loss and the distance. My genius of a cousin has left for the states on a scholarship at Brown University! Talk about smart! Ivy league no less! Dang! Wish I had half of his brains! YY has left for Fudan University in Shang Hai also on a scholarship! Another smart person! -Sighs-... And here I am in SP and worrying my ass off about failing my damn exams and getting booted out of school!

Man its the hols now and I finally get to chill and veg out at home and beach road... Gotta look for a job and earn some cold hard cash... Hmmm cold and hard... Sounds like my heart has something on common with cash after all... I only just realised that when I was watching a rather violent movie and scarliy found out how unemotional I can get... I see people getting their brains blown out and and I don't even flinch or shut my eyes... Shit man this is scary! Even thoughts of ending a life by my hand doesn't send chills down my spine anymore... Not that I have tried killing anybody but yeah... The thought freaks me out... When did I become so cold and emotionally dead? When did I become so damned numb? Gosh why do I feel this way...??? Is there something I'm running from or trying to surpress? I need a psychologist!

Competetion is in 6 days, SP Chanbara Open... Wow my first comp! Haha. Cannnot admit that I've really been training for this cos I haven't! Its been weeks since my last traing session! Damn! I hope I won't get knocked out the first round! That will really rain on my parade! I miss my old form, I was more agile and lethal then... Guess cos hen, chanbara was a new exprience for me and now... They even want me as president of the club... How I wonder, can I cope with this responsiblity... According to my Instructor, my job will not require much just that I have to push for our room and equipment... Hmmm Sounds easy? Well, its not! Especially when you have a lousy bitchy guy for your CCA officer... OKAY... Moving on...

Well maybe my heart isn't totally made out of stone... I do feel at times, especially when it comes to matters of romance... My past experience was eye opening and a good lesson to never be too gullible. But still, the feeling of holding someone you genuinly feel for is indescribable. I miss that feeling, and knowing that you have someone, other than your family members, who looks forward to seeing you and spending time with you, who asks about your day and what you're going through, who knows when you need a hug without you needing to say it. -Sighs- I seriously wish I could have that back again... And just when I thought I had a oppurtunity to engineer a chance for it to happen again, it literally flew out of my reach... Her smile, her eyes are etched into my memory, and everytime I envision her, I feel all fuzzy and warm and even a little weak in the knees... Hmmm I wonder if I'm really falling in love again or if its just an infatuation... But without a doubt, my thoughts always at some point drift in her direction and sometimes I even find myself having one of those dopy smiles on my face. Haha I look really funny! I constantly wait for an oppurtunity to see her again, but due to school commitments on her end, it seems it won't be happening for quite sometime... Damn...

GOD! I MISS DIVING!

2008-07-28T08:43:00.000-07:00

Man i really miss diving! Although its been only 2 weeks since i came back from riau... Oh wells... If there's a paragraph to describe diving this is it:

I live my life one dive at a time, because when I'm at the bottom and all I see is the deep and endless blue all around me, I'm free.

I think about so many things and people; God, for it is through his divine majesty that he has created the oceans with all their wonders. My family, whom I wish could dive with me. My friends, whom I wish could also share my joy and serenity found beneath the waves. My crush,whom has stolen my heart along with the sea. I always wonder when I'll dive with her again... I think about the people I've wronged and how I'm to make it up to them. About the future and all its potential... About the past filed with laughter and tears. About what I really want in life... Thank you Lord, for this amazing hobby through which I've once again found you.

22nd August seems so near and I don't really want that day to come for its goodbye for a long while... Damn I wish I had met you earlier...

The story of my life...

2008-07-10T07:39:00.000-07:00

Ever heard of the phrase; Lucky in life, Unlucky in love? I guess that's me... First, the ones whom I fall for always seem to be a cut above the rest... Damn how am I ever gonna match up to them... I've always felt kinda inferior to them... Smart, Charming, Beautiful, Witty and Intellectual... All of which I'm not... I'm fat, a joker, very rarely serious and Lazy! I'm not dumb according to my peeps just lazy... Haiz...

The first... She was an eyeopener to the world of the opposite sex. Smart, witty and very confident! She was to be the standard I'd hold every other girl to. Until I realised that every girl is different and beautiful and attractive in her own right and way. Finally, I conceded to the fact that I'd never get anywhere except to be best friends with her... Still I harbored hopes for 5 long years... Then I finally gave up... She just never saw me in the light in which I saw her in... Oh wells...

The second... Yet another eyeopener! Her beauty came in waves! She was a hurricane of intelligence and she was always composed and reserved! Once again I fell short of the mark and ended up as just a friend. My best friend now holds her heart in his. I'm in all truth very happy for them both!

The third... A stunning sight was placed before me and she had something for me too. However, I stupidly never wanted to believe it! I was always feeling incompetent and that's when I lost her! Damn! She was soon lost to me as a potential lover but from there came an extraordinary friendship which holds strong till today!

The fourth... The most complicated! She fit the wish list perfectly! Maybe height was a little bit of a problem but hey, I was stunned! I didn't know what to think at that time and still don't know what to make of that past situation! She held my hand and we actually kept at it for a while but once again it was not meant to be... She is still a close friend though... I guess something good came out of that after all.

The fifth... The one which deceived... At last I thought I had done it! But NO! I was nothing but a fool for thinking that! For 2 years we were together and then "WE" were no more... All those words she fed me... All the hopes and dreams she gave... All for nothing... Its over and done with... Broken was I, but determined to move on. Never again I thought to myself will I be so stupid... I was wrong...

The sixth... She had always been there, somewhere... But I just never saw her in that light which blinds... Until one fine day when it happened... I realised that maybe some magic could happen here... WRONG AGAIN! She had her sights set somewhere else... Oh wells! Good Luck to you babe!

The seventh... The current... She graced me with a smile and that was it! I knew I was hooked. I had taken the bait, hook, line and sinker! 3 days and 2 nights of looking at her from afar, not daring to make any moves... But her words coupled with her voice simply added to the intoxicity she unknowingly brought with her... I felt dazed by her and lost in her... I could not find myself... Then I plucked up the courage and asked her out... It was 2 hours of sheer bliss for me... But maybe I'm being too hasty... Who knows?! Still I know its not a possibility now... She's leaving on a scholarship... FOR 4 YEARS!!!!!!! I'm gonna die! But if its meant to be... 4 years my wait shall be... And by then who knows who I would have become... But I shall wait and see... Hope and pray that I'll be with her someday... Till then... I'll be here and she'll be there... Damn...

Bleagh

2008-06-30T10:15:00.000-07:00

Its only Monday but I already feel like shit! I wonder why this is........ Its like all of a sudden a huge cloud of fatigue and bad vibes just engulfed me! What I would give to go back to Tioman or Dayang and just DIVE! Haiz...... Ohhh Well... I have so many sighs these days till it puzzles me... I cannot seem to find an explanation as to why I feel like, well, for lack of a better word, absolute SHIT! Damn... I feel depressed... Wondering when an angel sent from God will come to cheer me up again... Haiz, no use in rambling on... Shall just put myself to sleep... Not suicide by the way, that's just plain stupid.

The Week Thus Far

2008-06-26T11:10:00.003-07:00

Monday 23rd June 2008
I had 2 tests today, Molecular Genetics and Lab Management and Biosafety. Man Mol Gen was a killer! Thankfully I had LMBS first! Woke up at say 10-ish... and left for school at about 12 plus. Got there just in time for my LMBS test and did the paper. It wasn't that hard but I'll have to wait for results to see how I've done. Mol Gen was the murderer! I almost died during the test! But oh well! After school I dropped by beach road and Gabe Teo called to ask me out for a movie; Never Back Down! Freaking good show man! All about MMA or Mixed Martial Arts! Cool shit! After the movie came home and looked through facebook and found YY in it. Added her and asked her if the number I had was right. She replied I had it wrong and gave me the correct one! Haha! so after a while I fell off to sleep at say 4am!

Tuesday 24th June 2008
No tests nor lessons today! Relaxed at home and tried to study at the same time text messaging YY :D hehe! But studying was futile. Couldn't get squat into my brain. No training either so I just bummed around at home. Met Gabe Teo in compass at say 7 plus to look for gifts for his colleagues as he was leaving the company to serve the nation soon. Ended up with him and Gwen at starbucks till about 9 plus almost 10. Came home to shower and chill... Slept at almost 4 again cos I tried studying some more but still to no avail...

Wednesday 25th June 2008
Asked YY out for lunch in Thursday and she agreed. We were to meet in Bugis to look for a tattoo shop on Bangdad Street cos she wants a tattoo! So do I! What a coincidence! Wednesday was spent mostly with mummy and trying to study. This time some info got in but not enough. It was only like about 10 plus when I finally started studying again and started absorbing. Fell asleep at 4 plus...

Thursday 26th June 2008
Woke up at 6 plus to get ready for school and my last test! Damn was ubber tired la! And I still had to meet YY up for lunch! Oh well at least it was something I was looking forward to with quite a bit of excitement! Hehe! Got to school early and did some last second cramming. Took the test and well I dunno how I did... Seriously... Anyway, took the train down to city hall and walked to bugis. Stupid I know but hey! It was like 10 and I had time to kill before meeting her at 1230pm. Well sent her an sms anyway and she said she'd be there early... :D So I took pics along the way and reached bugis at about 11 am. Walked around for a bit and smoke a couple of sticks and before I knew it she called announcing her arrival. :D Met up with YY and off we went in search of the tattoo parlor which she wanted to check out. Sadly it was closed and we found out we had to make appointments for a session... But off to lunch we went and settled for duck rice. Disappointingly, it wasn't its good tasty self but instead it wasn't that great. Still had great fun chatting with YY. After lunch, we went in search of dive shops to do some shopping! :D Orpheus was closed for stock taking so we tried the concourse but the whole bloody mall was closed. Thankfully there was still a dive shop open; Sports Center! :D There she bought an Underwater Kinetics torch and I bought a tank banger for myself. :) She wanted to go for a pedicure so I walked her back to bugis where all the pedicure parlors were and tried to shop for singlets. Sadly the shops I wanted to look for were closed! DANG! So I made my way back to Beach road hoping to meet up with YY after her pedicure session but she had other plans and left for home. Was supposed to meet my cousin Sarah to go clubbing but since I hadn't received a message or call about it, I presumed she couldn't go... In the end I watched Wanted with Ian, Gabe Teo and Chin. Cool movie, quite vulgar but at the same time super funny! So yeah ater the movie hitched a ride with Chin to Boon Keng Station and rode the train home with Gabe and Ian. So now I'm home and blogging haha! Oh well... Gonna crash now so goodnight folks! Till I next Blog again! Ciao!

THE DIVE @ TIOMAN!

2008-06-25T08:33:00.000-07:00

Hey all, as some of you know, I recently went up to tioman island in malaysia for my dive trip. Unknown to many, especially my family, NONE of my SP guys or gals went for this dive. And well I had kinda expected it cos they're headed to RIAU this weekend!!!!! ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Cannot stand it! They informed me only after I had made the arrangements for my tioman trip! Shit man! Was so sad la. But hey God has ways to cheer us all up! :D I would like to apologise for not having any pics as I didn't wanna bring my camera and risk getting it wet or stolen!

20th June 2008 Friday
I had received the time and venue for to meet up with the guys for the dive. It was to be at the junction of river valley road and mohammed sultan road at 630 pm. Spent the day at Nigel's place with him and Jeannine just chilling out and we ate Mac's. Ordered in cos we were too lazy to drag our bums out of the door and head to Compass barely 5 minutes away! Wahaha! What a joke! Anyways, after we ate, I had to take my leave. When I reached home, I expected to see my family hurrying me to check my stuff for the trip. But no, the house was quiet... So silent you could hear a pin hit the floor... They were still on the way back from Genting. They had spent 4 days there and I missed all 3 of them so much. It felt worse cos I had to leave before I could see them. I don't know why I felt so sad but yeah... Guess I'm just a big softie! Anyway, grabbed all my gear and headed to compass point to take the train to Clark Quay. I had NO idea I was gonna be that early or I would have left my house at 545 instead of 515pm! So i reached the place and saw no one who looked remotely close to be going on a dive trip. But I didn't notice a couple whom I'd later realise I'd be diving with; Janice and Chee Wee. So i sat there by my lonesome and lit up a ciggy, hoping that my dive instructor; Kiat, would soon show up. But I was there at 6! So how could I be silly and expect him to show up that early? Haha! Anyway after waiting for 30 minutes, I finally saw a silver van with a familiar face inside pull up at the sidewalk. Kiat popped out and upon seeing me gave a big grin. It was good to see all the familiar faces again, Travis, his gal, Dom and Kiat. What I didn't know was that only Dom would be going this time round as both Kiat and Travis had stuff on! Darn! I was feeling more nervous by the heartbeat! But hey no worries right? So I joined the rest of the guys and gals to "sign our lives away" via the indemnity forms! Some ate afterwards but I lost my appetite. Soon after Kait and Travis with his girl left and it was Dom, myself and a bunch of people I hardly knew. Thankfully most of them smoke too! Haha! What an ice-breaker! So after all of whom were eating had finished, we gathered at the rally point, Which was directly opposite Simply Scuba's outlet in SG. The bus arrived and we proceeded to load up and get on the bus. The ride was rather boring though they did play Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I still felt my nerves knotted up. But I did however spot a girl with a pleasant disposition. Hehe! Customs went well and nothing and nobody was delayed. So on we pushed into the night. At our first stop after we reached Malaysia, I immediately hit the petrol kiosk's counter and asked for none other than a pack of Dunhill Reds! Man that first drag felt oh so good! :D Chatted a while with the newbie divers, whom signed up with Diventures, and we were on the bus and off to Mersing! Or at least so I thought! Haha! We ended up in some isolated village with rundown jetty but at least the boat was ready and waiting. Almost fell when i jumped off the jetty into the boat! Thankfully some nice deckie kept me from hitting the deck! As soon as we loaded up, I felt the engine of the boat thunder to life. I only say thunder because it was DAMN loud! The boat ride was to last us 2 and a half hours and it was not an air-conditioned boat, thankfully! The last trip in an air conditioned boat I just about froze to death! Haha! Since I couldn't sleep, I headed out to the dive equipment area to have a smoke. What else?!!! Wahaha! Met a nice chap by the name of Jason there. So we chatted for a while and he went to try to get some shut eye. After a few more sticks I too headed back in to try and catch a few Zs. Only knocked off with about half an hour to spare till we hit tioman. Darny! We hit the island at close to 330 am and we were briskly assigned our rooms and keys. It just so happened that the guy I was sitting next to in the bus was to be my roommate! Thus Chin Tiong, Michael and yours truly headed up to chalet 7B to knock out. And that's exactly what we did!

20th June Saturday
I felt a small nudge on my leg from Chin Tiong and when i looked at my watch it already read 745am! Time to get up and at them! So did the usual morning rituals and headed off to the breakfast area! Along the way, I spotted that cute DM again! :D:D Such a nice start to my morning! After breaky we headed to the boat and proceeded to gear up and prepare for the 1st dive of the trip. Surprisingly I prepared my gear without much trouble!! Once we reached the dive site, I was assigned my dive buddy, Hua Chyi, a rather buff but really nice chap! As we donned our gear, my heart started pounding and I began praying that the dive would go well. At the entry platform I was almost shaking outta fear that something would go wrong. But as I took the giant stride and landed in the water, all the fear seemed to ebb away and I felt surprisingly comfortable. Once all my group's divers had entered the water, Hua Chyi and I proceeded to herd them toward to morring line with which we would descend. I did a free decent with Hua Chyi and we supervised the rest as the came down the morring line. I was so captivated by the marine life around me that I almost drifted away from the group. Hua Chyi and I finned around the place and never strayed too far from the group. He and I were leisure divers this trip but still I felt safer when I was nearer the group. Malang rock is simply beautiful underwater! Many species of grouper and other reef denizens swam around us almost oblivious to our intrusion into their domain. Swallow tailed darts came in dozens to grace us with their presence. Euphoric was how I truly felt whilst 12 metres below the surface. Before long we had to surface as time and air were growing short. Ascending wasn't a problem as Hua Chyi had a dive computer! Haha! I gotta get me one of those! Immediately upon boarding the boat I swapped my tank in anticipation for the next dive! Whilst in transit to the next dive location, Renggis, I logged my first dive in close to 8 months! At Renggis, the current flowed fast and furious and though a little intimidated, I still hardly hesitated as I all but flew into the water. Finning to the morring line, I watched as the newbies hit the water and proceeded to join up with me at the morring line. This time I went down with the morring line as I knew the current was the fastest I'd have ever felt. Since Dom had earlier told Hua Chyi and myself to help look out for the newbies during the dives, I let go to allow them space to descend. However, some of them had the grand idea of letting go as well! not funny really... We almost got separated and ended up resurfacing not more than 10 minutes into the dive! Damn we got our butts whipped (verbally) on the surface at the floating platform, where we could anchor ourselves, by Dom. He was furious and well lets say it wasn't anything nice to hear or repeat here. But he decided that we could and should give the dive another shot and soon were back on the bottom! :D This time we all crowded at the base of yet another morring line put in place to secure the floating platform. And soon enough we were drifting like plankton along the seabed. And though we didn't see very much it was still a great experience to be under the surface again. Once again time seemed to have shot by as Dom was quickly deploying his inflatable marker to show the boatmen where we were! Suddenly he shoved to reel of line attached to the marker, incidentally called a sausage cos of its shape, into my hands and visually instructed me to keep the line taught. I looked around to see why he left me with this task and found out that one of the newbies had some difficulties. But in an instant, the problem was solved and I returned to reel of line to Dom. Surfacing was slow and once we hit the surface, I realised that we had drifted and long long way from where we entered the water. But thankfully the boat was already waiting for us. As I was getting back onto the boat, I had trouble removing one of my fins and stupidly let go of the ladder and the next thing I knew, I was drifting away from the boat! But before I could panic and drown myself, a buoy attached to a line was flung my way and I held on for dear life as the DMs pulled me in. I got back on board the boat a little shaken but fine. I stripped my gear off and stowed it away and went to look for my dive log so I could pen down what we did. We headed back to the resort in record time, mainly cos I think the current helped out. On the jetty, whilst walking back to the resort, I fell into pace with Yuen Yi aka the cute DM! Hehe! Exchanged some small talk about the dives and I headed rather quickly, to my amusement, to the dining area while for some reason she headed back to the boat. Lunch was a rather quick affair, I gobbled down my food and went in search of the rest of my group. I found them at one of the eateries and joined them. Since I had my share of food and was feeling rather full, I just sat there and chatted with them whilst they ate and DAMN! Their food looked better than what was served for lunch! We all just about rotted whilst waiting 2 hours for the boat to be ready but once it was given the all clear, I all but ran to the boat and almost flew in! Haha! After some of the Japanese divers had cleared the equipment area, we got to work setting up our own equipment. A short while later, we were at Tumuk Bay! Decended without a problem and proceeded to oversee the newbies come down. Hua Chyi and I stayed near the decent point and finned around for a while, and saw a pair of beautiful angelfish! Currents weren't as bad as Renggis but still we could feel the drift so Dom split us into 2 groups; Hua Chyi and I took 2 divers while he took the other 2 as Nick couldn't dive due to a sinus problem. I almost followed the wrong group and got lost! How silly can I get! But Dom pointed me in the direction of Hua Chyi and I finned like hell to reach them. We finned around for a while and regrouped with Dom and the rest. We saw many species especially when Dom cracked open a sea urchin. The smaller wrasse all but flew in to get a feed. After some more finning around I saw a lone sweet lip and it nonchalantly passed me by. Soon it was time to surface again and when we did, I realised that I still had half a tank left! What the heck man! But yeah that was the last dive of the day for me and most of the rest. But I think it was enough as I was almost dozing off when waiting for the boat. I could not go on the night dive which was planned for later! what a bummer! But yeah I consoled myself with a nice RAMLY BURGER! It tastes better over there! Haha! After which, I went to look for Dom who was with Nick and another gal whose name I have forgotten! Oops! But yeah they had prata and it was really nice. A little cold but still crispy! Puts Jalan Kayu to shame man! After finishing the remaining prata, we went in search of BEER! Dom bought a few cans and we sat down to chill out! But the barbecue looked too tempting to refuse! So I went over to grab some grub with Nick. He brought back mutton and chicken wings while I brought back coleslaw and fried rice. The mutton and squid was excellent! Man some of the best I've had so far at a barbecue! Our mini drinking session was paused for a while as Janice, Chee Wee and the other gal went to take their diving theory tests. So Nick and I discussed photography while awaiting the continuation of our drinking session. Janice and Chee Wee were nice enough to buy us 2 more jugs prior to going in for the test. But me being rather sensible had only about 3 pints worth. Soon after, I observed the night divers had returned and Hua Chyi joined us for drinks too! Then I spotted her, Yuen Yi, from a far as she sat there alone eating her dinner. I was extremely tempted to join her but kinda feared she had a boyfriend which I learned when we reached back to SG that she wasn't! So instead I confined myself to drinking and munching with the rest. Before long I was beginning to feel really sleepy and the rest did too. So we packed up and disposed of the trash and went to our respective rooms to K.O! Haha! But before we returned to our rooms, Dom reminded us that the boat was to leave at 745am the next day! Holy crap! How was I gonna wake up?! So I informed my 2 roomies about the timings and they nicely offered to wake me up!

22nd June 2008 Sunday
At 700am, I heard Chin Tiong talking to Micheal and I knew it was time to get up. We were due for breaky at 715am at the dining area. Did the usual morning stuff and headed up to the "mess hall". En route, I met Yuen Yi (YY) and we went up together. She sat with Lawrence, another DM from deep blue, as I went to grab my toast. We chatted a little over breaky with Chin Tiong, Micheal and Lawrence in attendance and after that I went to the room to grab my dive log and stuff. I rushed to the boat fearing it would leave without me aboard but found that I was actually rather early. Haha! The sky on the previous day was great and it was sunny but today it was cloudy and over cast. It looked rather depressing. But off we set for the marine park to dive among wrecks! Once there our group was the first to hit the water and we all went straight to the mooring line to descend. Waves were big and the sea choppy... Not a great sign... I was first to descend again and when I reached the bottom, I immediately began adjusting my buoyancy to attain neutral buoyancy. But half way doing that I noticed a funny shape on the bottom moving toward where I was finning, to my astonishment it was a STONE FISH! Immediately I warned the next few divers not to step on it for it would screw up their day and possibly compromise their lives! But as soon as we were all down, Dom directed us toward the wreck. My dive buddy this time was Chee Wee, whom oddly enough ended up pairing with Janice! Wahaha! So I finned on the outside of the group and hung around Dom as Hua Chyi was more interested in the wreck than sticking with the group. Haha! But hey who could blame him? So we finned around some more checking out the residents of the reef but when I next checked my air, I was running low due to a leaky submersible pressure gauge and a faulty O ring! At 30 odd minutes I was fast approaching 500 PSI meaning I was seriously running out of air. Signaling to Dom my situation, he and I shared air for the last 10 minutes of the dive. I surfaced with my own air supply as we weren't down that deep so as we finned back to the boat, we met up with more newbies from the other group. Dom and I allowed the rest to board the boat before we went up and those stupid waves made it harder to get my fins off! But all went well or I wouldn't be here sharing it now would I? After all the divers had been accounted for, we headed back to Renggis for our last dive of the trip... Sooo Sad... :( But yes this time Renggis was more accommodating and the currents were better. Nick still couldn't descend so he sat out the dive and while getting to Renggis, Janice came down with a bout of sea sickness and so did a few others. I felt fine as I had been on boats before and had gotten used to the rocking motion. When we reached, all of us hit the water with the exception of Nick and descended without a problem. This time no one let go of the mooring line! But Janice still felt sick so Dom brought her up to ther surface where the dive boat picked her up and we proceeded to dive without Dom for a while. He joined us soon after though and Hua Chyi and him proceeded to feed fish with urchins again! Haha! Hua Chyi then pulled a prank on Dom by removing one of his fins and the started an underwater royal rumble! Wahaha! It was hilarious! But that dive was great as I saw a RAINBOW RUNNER AND A GOLDEN TREVALLY amongst schools of bludger trevallies! So yeah it was great! But that damned SPG of mine still leaked air and though under for just 45 minutes I had already reached 100 PSI! Danger Danger Danger! But Dom was there to share air with me once again! Thanks Dom! When we hit the boat we dismantled all the gear and packed them back into their respective bags and left them on board. Upon reaching the island, we went back to our rooms to shower and pack up and have lunch! On the way back to the boat, I spied YY at the equipment area with Chin Tiong and took the opportunity to join them! As we were about to embark on the journey back to mersing, we noticed that Janice and Chee Wee had yet to board and Dom had the boatman sound the horn numerous times to alert them. Finally, they boarded and we began the 2 hour plus ride to mersing. Barely 5 minutes into the journey, YY motioned tripping Chin Tiong and kicking him into the water! Cheeky! But I Like! WAHAHA! I played along and pretended to push him in! We both broke out into silent laughter. And all this while he had his back turned to us! If only he knew of the very evil schemes plotted against him! Wahaha! YY and I soon fell into conversation about ourselves and the dive trip. :D Oddly enough fishing came into the picture! Obviously my doing! Haha! But yeah, thoroughly enjoyed the conversation! Soon she went back into the cabin to get some shut eye and after a stick, so did I. It was warm but I was too tired to really care and soon fell off to sleep. I woke when we had docked and helped to get my stuff off the boat and carry it to our coach. Smoked a little more and before long, we were on the road back to Tuas. We stopped at another station to have a little food and back on the road agian. we finally reached SG at about 9pm. While waiting for my parents, I took the opportunity to ask YY for her number and she obliged me with a smile. I carelessly copied the wrong number into my phone and well lets say I didn't receive a reply that night. Haha. Silly me! My parents arrived soon after and we headed home. Once home, I unpacked all my stuff and washed all my gear. Then had some dinner and relaxed for a while. I Finally fell asleep at 3 plus am and the worse part was I had tests the next day and all through my dive trip I had nothing to study as all my notes were left in my room! Oh wells. Thats another story for another time! The dumbest thing about my trip was that i packed fishing gear but never used it! DAMN! Oh well till I next blog, ciao mates and take it easy!

Back again!

2008-05-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

Well well well, back after months of not posting... Now where do I start...? Hmmm I guess I shall continue from November onwards...

November...
Cannot really say much about this month save I really missed diving for the whole entire month... It was on my mind day and night! Sheesh I couldn't get it out of my head! Also I had tests coming which I seriously had to prepare for otherwise I'd be dead! But since I'm here writing and ranting again, kinda says it all don't you think? November was all in all uneventful... The usual Chanbara trainings and hanging out with pals! Which served to pass time rather quickly... :) And yeah... That's about it really.

December!
Finally December came knocking on my doorstep! Could not seem to wait for this month's arrival! For I was due back in Aussie for yet another escapade! This time, fishing was an item on our itinerary! Score one for me! Hooooo! Our trip saw us in Perth for a good 4 days, followed by a seriously long drive down to Albany. We skipped Fremantle this year as we'd already been there last year. Haha! Weather there was absolutely crap! Rainy and foggy... How depressing! Well, no worries as the Aussies say, after one night, we were on the road again, this time up toward Pemberton just north of Albany. There we hunkered down for a good 3 nights with 4 days of glorious fishing! Hahaha! Trout were the main targets! I personally landed an average of 4-5 a day, most of which were released. However, I had to bring a few home cause being that their jaws were broken by mishandling, mainly by my dad and Godfather. Haha! Oops! But they didn't go to waste! They are of fantastic eating quality though a little bony, but their flesh is like salmon; rich and tasty due to all the natural fats and oils which they need to survive harsher months. Anyways everybody enjoyed their time there! From there we once again headed up the coast to Busselton! I went snorkeling! And shit! The water was frigid! It was like swimming in a tub filled with ice! And to think it was SUMMER! What a joke! Anyhow, when fishing off the jetty, my godfather was in his element, landing the most catches of the day! I on the other hand, felt under equipped and kinda inferior! Oh well! It was a great last 3 days before coming back home though and just in time for CHRISTMAS! My flight landed 3 hours before midnight mass, so home we rushed! After unpacking and wrapping pressies, went to shower and change for mass. As I was bathing, my 2 half brothers arrived; Gabe Teo and Nigel(the 3 Stooges reunite!), I rather quickly jumped into my best suit and off we went for mass! Cutting rather close as we arrived quarter to 12. Mass began and as we had nowhere to sit, we simply stood. It was a great mass, just felt a little awkward without my ex by my side... But then again, its not like she was not in attendance. She even brought her new love interest to mass! And the best part is, they aren't even CATHOLIC! Wahahaha! Anyway, she gave me a call before the mass and said that she'd be there. Me having no real intention to meet up simply made it a quick affair after mass; exchanging of gifts and a quick handshake and that was it! :D And after which was more gift exchanging at the little foyer outside the Priests' offices. We then adjourned to Sheena's place to have supper! What an awesome night! Oddly enough my cousin Kenneth was there too and he kept stealing sips from my beer! Haha! Thankfully he didn't get pissed. I on the other hand went home feeling rather jolly after a 6 pack of tiger special brew! Wahahaha! Rather nice i must add! Christmas was spent sleeping and having dinner with all the cousins. And after which Boxing day was spent at Uncle B's and then back home for dinner with the family. The next few days was spent....... Erm... I actually cannot remember what I did for the few days after Christmas. And so ends December and the year 2007.

January!
On new year's eve, I received an invite to the Hong residence, warmly extended to me by Cheston. We spent the night counting down and drinking to our health, considerately of course! We took turns taking the mickey out of the girls, namely; Gen and Avril. La Bamba! Wahahaha! Followed by taking turns on the computer playing Call of Duty 4! Which I got hooked to and eventually ended up getting from Cheston. My cousin happily fell asleep in Cheston's and Lionel's room. He looked too tired thus I didn't wake him and went home to crash out myself. All this while, Gabe Teo was my wingman, as always! When I did see my cousin next, he asked me why I left him there, I simply replied that he was in no condition to come home that early in the morning! And no, he wasn't drunk, just tired. And somehow, I think it was that night that something stirred in my long since frigid heart for someone whom I never thought I'd fall for... The rest of January was spent preparing for exams!

February!
The first half of Feb was spent having exams which all but completely fried me! I was so glad that they were finally over! Immediately, I started SLACKING! What? Did you think work was on my already half burnt mind? Nah! I took a break for about 2 and a half weeks, during which, Carolyn; Papa Dan's wife, offered me a job as a amateur photographer. The Job was simple; take pictures of couples at R.O.M, if they were willing, keep a copy for ourselves(the company) and give the couples a copy. My partner in this odd stint was Maureen. We tried but many turned us down. However, we still managed to clear 380 plus plus couples. We were about 120 couples short but hey, we did our best and met many an interesting couple along the way. My salary is not to be disclosed but lets say it was enough to get me an old Canon 3000V which is an SLR not digital by the way. And a new inshore fishing setup. Man I was a happy boy! Still am in some ways! Haha! And gone goes February!

March!
Ahh March! Spent a heck of a lot of my pay and ended up with almost nothing! Going on some shoots with MarK! Had some awesome shots of Chijmes which I took on my own and of St. Andrew's Cathedral When on a few shoots with MarK. Throughly enjoyed myself during this month! Ohhh! Did I mention? I customized a fishing rod for my father for his birthday! The look on his face was and still is PRICELESS! I'm just thankful he liked it! Many thanks to Nick Matthew for the time spent helping me create the masterpiece! Thus March flits away with a gust of wind!

April!
Hey Hey Hey! Its the month of my Birthday! But it began rather uneventfully I admit. With the dreaded thought of going back to school. Still I seemed to welcome the re-opening of the school year. It gave me constructive use of my time other than sitting at home doing squat! I seriously had to get back into the limbo of school life! But all went pretty well in the first 2 weeks of school! Not to mention my 20th BIRTHDAY! It was spent by having one lesson in school that day and then off home I went to prepare for dinner with a bunch of buggers that one of my half brothers(Gabe) lined up! All in attendance were; Gabe Teo, Gabe Fransis, Ryan, Lynn and last but not in any way the least Avril! No doubt there were supposed to be more but we had late cancellations, all of whom did apologize. And are forgiven. :D We had a great night! Talking, joking, making fools of ME! Wahahaha! Gabe actually had me go up on stage, stand on a chair and get the crowd to sing me a happy birthday song(with the help of the staff of HARD ROCK CAFE of course)! Haha! Man it was an ULTRA MALU moment! But I enjoyed every bit of it! Thanks guys and gals for making my birthday AWESOME!!!! A few days after which, Mummy finally obliged me with a DSLR!!! My new Canon EOS 400D! Man, I blew a shitload of cash on it! Feeling a little guilty but very satisfied! The week after my birthday, was the CCA drive in school. I helped out at both the Chanbara booth and the Scuba booth. After seeing all my old dive buddies and new dive pictures, I had the sudden strong urge to dive again. And now the itch is back, gnawing at me from all sides! Gabe left for his 12 day vacation on the 26th and is due back on the 8th of May. Knowing him, he'll make me jealous with his tales from his little escapade! Darn I wanted to go too! And before I knew it, I had shot through April.

May!
Till today, May has been pretty okay... I have finally gone back to Chanbara training after a knee injury during soccer, oops! Hehe! Ohhh, speaking of Chanbara, I bought new equipment for training; a Helmet and a Padded weapon(long sword aka choken). Also I have been shooting with my new DSLR. But today, the 8th of May, I mourn the passing of a relative of a close friend of mine, whom I love and cherish dearly. Remember, if you need someone to talk to, call me.

Pictures:

Proud to Be A DIVER!

Me trying to get people to join SP DIVERS.

One of my Favorite Pictures!

Rachel, Sue Yen, Ain and Rif, all of whom are my Chanbara Buddies!

Point RIF!

Well, Thats all for now, will update pictures as I go along! See ya folks!

What I've Done!

2007-11-12T23:44:00.000-08:00

ALRIGHT! I know its been a month since I started Scuba Diving, But OHHHH YYEAAAAHHHH!!!!!! I've passed! WHOOOOO! Its the best experience ever of my life! This includes having a girlfriend! Wahahah! I mean seriously! I got to see how fish actually move in their natural habitat and what they do and all man! FOOOOO! It was the best and guess what! I"M STILL PSYCHED ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!! OHHHHHH YEAH!!!!!!! To everyone out there, I seriously do recommend that you take this sport up man! The feeling of being absolutely weightless is beyond incredible! Man, I miss diving already! WOW! Haha! So many pleasant memories! The Sun, The Sand AND MOST IMPORTANTLY THE SEA!!!!!! Well, guess I cannot really explain more so yeah, ciao mes amis!

OUCHIES!

2007-10-09T07:34:00.000-07:00

AHHH! its good to be back home relaxing after a serious training session! Damn, Sir James, my instructor sparred with me and another new guy in training today and our objective of the match was to hit the opponent's head with a basic strike called "man!". And he is freaking fast! Before i knew what was happening, i was hit twice on the head and my poor head is still aching from the hits! haha! bur pain is good! it makes you learn and keeps you alert. Ohhhh! got a new toy today, its my first boken! or the wooden version of a katana~! FoOoO! It feels great to have one of my own now, so i can keep up the practices! Yeah! OKOK, my body is aching right now so... Gonna end it here! Anyways, all you ppl take care aiight? Till my next posting. Ciaoz!

PS:
JY, Sorry I scratched you today! Hope the injury wasn't too bad!

Hmmm new stuff!

2007-10-03T08:08:00.000-07:00

WELLL, its been bloody ages since i came back to this blog. wahahah. hmmm i guess i've just been preoccupied and too darn lazy! oops! wahahah! ANYWAY, I have great news! For all who know how much i have always wanted to join a martial arts, particularly kendo, guess wad?! I have joined CHANBARA!!!!! FOOOOO!!!! Its a damn good sport la! Absolutely love it! Its kinda like kendo where instructors teach you how to properly use a weapon and in this case, its the Japanese short sword or kodachi. I'm also learning the Choken or the long sword, closely resembling the Japanese Katana! Its my absolute passion! I also get to learn Kendo through this sport! ALRIGHT! hahah! Its such a great outlet for stress thats been pent up and kept deep inside! Hmmm wanna know more? Okay! What we basically use as life-size models for the actual swords are really swords made of dense foam. So when you get whacked real hard, it doesn't really hurt! How cool is that?! wahaha! I'm so happy cos it also keeps me fit and teaches me about discipline, honour and most importantly, respect! Well i could go on and on about chanbara but i don't think i will, because i don't feel like i'm doing the sport justice through my description. So all i can say is that you have to try it to believe me! hahaha! SO cannot wait for saturday to come! And hey, just to sound a lil BHB, i'm pretty good at this! haha even beat a senior during sparring! YAAAAHOOOOOOO! haha! oh wells, till next time guys and gals! Cheers!

Life's Sooo Confusing!

2007-06-29T02:28:00.000-07:00

Man, life really is damn bloody confusing sia! My gosh, 1st I decided to reconcile with that certain someone i ranted abt last time. As i finally got it off my chest, i realised that feelings were still alive and burning... And just when i thought i was over it... Haiz... what to do? Its nice to feel wanted and loved, but is it the right thing when you know that many variables are involved and must be accounted for? Is it right when you know that feelings are at stake? my heart says "yes" but my mind says "no"... DAMN MORAL JUDGEMENT! ahhh crap... What the hell can i do now? i've started a wheel moving and if it spins one way, i get hurt again, if it spins the other, i hurt another... if it spins the third direction, den well, i'll be back to square one from so long ago... though i don't mind option 3, i dun wanna get hurt again and i dun wanna hurt another if i choose 1 or 2... but then again, 1 and 3 aren't my decisions to make... wait... in fact, now come to think of it, none of them are mine to make... i feel like crap not being able to control a situation, especially when so many important factors and outcomes are part of the situation... If only i could reverse time and set right all the wrongs... if only i could have been a beter, more mature man... all this shit would have never happened... God knows my plight, but the signs He's been giving are rather confusing too... Haiz, i guess i'm just not seeing things as clearly as He wants me to... I'm sorry to so many people for failing you guys by not meeting expectations and by letting you down. i truly don't deserve your friendship... all i wanted was happiness and in trying too hard t fulfil that, i caused pain... and the dumb part is that i ended up the most unhappy... haha i'm sucha dumb shit! As i listen to the song Arms of an Angel, i remember at one point in time i did lie in the arms of an angel... but angels have much love to give and many people to bless with that love... Oh well, guess i cannot be selfish anymore... I never wanna give up the comfort and love i felt whilst lying in the arms of that angel cos it gave me peace when i was at war with the world and my own demons. I guess a few of those demons finally have triumphed over me... I'm not a perfect person athough i really would love to be... I'm trying to make myself a better man but all that i do seems futile and all i touch seems to turn to destruction, chaos and ashes... Am I truly "The Left Hand Of God"? if i am, well, lets just say that all my friends, you guys should run like hell from me! i've never felt more lost and alone for as long as i've been breathing except for when grandpa passed into the arms of the Lord. God, rest his soul. And on the 5th august 2006... what can i do? nothing... wll maybe somethings can be done, but what? nothing is coming to mind, no epiphanies, no sense, no enlightenment... i've never felt this cast out and alienated before. But i guess i'll get over it one day... IF you only knew what goes through my mind and heart every night before i sleep and every morning when i wake... The sadness, the abandonmet and the feeling of losing someone who meant the world to you... You know who you are, please decide soon, i know i'm pushing you for an answer, but like i said before; its your decision and only you can determine how long you'll need to decide... God help me get outta this rut and back into life. Also please help me to quit my bad habits and help me to serve you better.

hmmm thoughts

2007-04-08T12:37:00.000-07:00

Wow its been ages since my last posting... Things happened, some good some bad... But life goes on... Hmmm, what would you do to somebody who betrayed all your trust and love? I know what i did, some of you will call me evil and may even curse me for what i'm about to say but hey its my life... so yeah here goes... When i first heard the news of the treason agianst me, i was angry and wanted to lash out, however, i did see this coming so i was partially prepared, still my preperation didn't stop the burning pain, anger and DISGUST i felt. So i became cold. Just a hard shell of my former self, i figured if i'm this hard, i can't be hurt agian. STOOPID me... I ended up hurting myself. *doinng on my head* My words were like ice and it seemed that ice flowed in my veins but who cared. So i decied to show my anger and disgust in ways that weren't explosive but sent my message loud and clear..."keep away from me traitor!" So i wrote a letter, a cold and almost coporately-professional one, like the ones school gives you... i felt no need for me to be warm and fuzzy cos i hold no love or care for ones who betray me. Oh well, now that time has past, i do feel just a bit selfish but honestly, what do i care now! wahaha! i mean its better to cut your losses before they become seriously damaging right? so yeah i did. and now, come to think of it, i feel tons better that i have cut out that dirty and DISGUSTING portion from my life... I can finally start anew. Still i am compelled to forgive my tresspasser, i think someday i will, but when that day comes is an entirely different matter. i know i may seem cruel, but its my way of doing things. I'm trying to find that warm fuzzy bugger who disappeared when i became cold but i have yet to find him. So my search continues, and maybe one day with the grace of God Almighty, I will become the fuzzy bum again. Till then, ciaoz!

PS
sorry for the extremely vague description of the matter of my betrayl, i just didn't wanna commit much of it to memory.
and to my traitor, if ever you read this, the message still stands clear "BACK OFF"

Is everything people do at my expense?

2006-11-05T04:49:00.000-08:00

haiz... do u guys ever think abt the things you do? and how they might somehow affect others? even words said without thinking can hurt another badly its just they don't show it cos they dun want u to feel bad and guilty for them... i know i have had my fun at others' expenses too and for that i am sorry... maybe i should just cut connections with these people or everyone else for that matter... maybe the world to all of u out there will be brighter once i've left... to all who read this, one day if u dun hear from me, dun bother looking cos i'll probably not be here... but then agian, most of u know already that i do exist and your search for me will not end in vain. but think before you leap next time, for u may just land on somebody's feelings and thus lose your footing with that person. looks like my expense is nothing to most ppl... particularly some of those closest to me......

Hi....

2006-10-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm i'll be headed back to Australia for a holiday this december, but i'll be home for christmas... :) guess its a good thing... i cannot wait... just wanna get away from all the bloody crap i'm in now... just wanna disappear for a while... a friend said mixed feelings is wad their having now... so am i... i dunno wad to do, where to go... how to feel and think... i fall to the lowests pits of lows and shoot to the highest peaks of joys... but i am somhow never there for long... i'm always in either one... and very seldom in between... usually im in the former... dun ask why... i dunno as well. Haiz, some people have like disappeared from my circle of contacts but not my heart and mind... i miss them dearly... but then i also have disappeared from other people's lives, i wonder if it'd make a difference if i just did my disappearing act once more... what am i to my friends? just the bloody joker and a slacker... so wad diffy would it make if i vanished into thin air? afterall, i'm just a name and a face... nothing more than a picture and a few words... sometimes i wish that i could just disappear for a few days, weeks, months, years? i dunno, just for a period of time till i wanna come back... hmmm just had a typo error, instead of *come*, i typed *coma* maybe if i fell into a coma long enough, people would just forget about me, maybe not, i'll be a burden and a hassel on the hospital staff as well as my family, i'm better off dead... haha... well, at this point, death to me is a laughing matter... somehow i just don't take life seriously anymore... i dunno why, maybe its cos i have nothing left to cling on to... haiz, here i go again, thinking about death and suicide, how i wish my High Blood Pressure will just shoot higher and i'll end up in hospital... I've never stayed in a hospital for as long as i can remember... hmmm maybe its time to revisit the white halls perfumed by the scents of medication and flowers... well, hopefully my aussie trip will be the long desired and needed holiday in which i can forget about everything and everyone and come back a new man... oh wells till december... wake me up when november ends? haha...

Okay so i am not dead afterall...

2006-09-28T07:13:00.000-07:00

Ya.. i'm not dead... Big fat hairy deal... I am tired though... Tired of so many things... like waking up just to lonliness and more tears... like knowing that right now i have got very little inspiration in life... tired of putting up a brave front to others when i habour cowardice inside... i need wad i lost back in my life... no this is no mere desire, its a necessity... Haiz... life must go on... or must it? No... i will not perform Harakiri (honour suicide in Jap)... i will trudge on in life and somehow attain a sense of happiness... or so i wish... damn... when did i become such a monster? when did i lose my soul? i am like a Samurai without his Blade... I am nothing! sometimes i feel like giving up, but thats just disappointing my parents and friends. This i will not do... now, should i die, it is because i have nothing left to give and cannot take any more... i will cease to breathe only when i really know its the end... but still i asure you that i will fight for every breath of life! Thanks blessed readers, some of you really gave me a sense of hope and happiness when i was depressed... thank you... Now, i must honour your effort by trying my utmost best to succeed in life. i cannot be the person i was before, he is dead now... but i can try to be a better friend...

Help...

2006-09-17T05:05:00.001-07:00

My gosh... Everything I do now is meaningless... I don't see a reason why I even breathe anymore. Its so hard to let go... even if you know that the person of your dreams is your's no longer...

Father, take me upon your loving wings tonight when i lay upon my bed to rest. Let me never rise to this emptyness and hollowness again. I thank you for everything you have graciously bestowed upon my underserving self, I beg you for this small mercy and deliver me from this life. Let my body fail, let my spirit leave, let me sink into eternal rest. Let me come home... please... Tears stain my pillow nightly... all I feel after a long sleep is more tired. Its not a physical thing anymore... my mind and spirit are weak and my heart beats no more... I'm at a loss... My bearings have completely faded... I don't see a point in carrying on in life any longer. Every morning i rise to heartache and many horrid thoughts... How can I move on that fast... I cannot... Not when all my love has been invested into one being... For I have no more love to survive on... Promises which are broken will have consequences... I live life by my own rules and these rules apply to all I do... Thus break a promise and you lose trust, betray me and lose me forever. Hold up your end and friendship will be maintained, but how can i accept things as they are now... I am in a total wreck... I feel lost... I don't wanna live any longer. If my prayers are heard, then this will be the last entry in this dairy... I pray that my prayers are answered... So no more tears will fall, so no more hearts will bleed... For those who will may miss me should I leave, I beg of you, do not mourn, but rejoice for me and take pity upon yourselves... Rejoice because I need not suffer any longer... Pity yourselves because you still have to... But I pray for all of you as well, may He deliver you from the sorrows and pain in your lives. Goodbye, hopefully forevermore... And I pray that I'll be wrestling Crocodiles with my hero good old Stevo, in that big Croc paradise up in the skies. Do not condemn me and say I know not how precious life is, I do, or at least I did when I had meaning in my life...

Help...

2006-09-17T05:05:00.000-07:00

Interesting Thoughts

2006-09-01T10:27:00.000-07:00

Hmmm have u all ever wondered wad would happen if one day u woke up to find me gone? i really wonder wad it'll be like.... I mean i feel at times that i am taken for granted... am i? do u, my friends take me for granted? do u darling? wad if one day u were to wake up without me in your lives? would it make a difference? wad diffy would it make? just another fat guy gone right? just another person less in the circle of friends. its not as if i am of great importance... i dun even know why i'm here... was it to make someone's life better? was it to make a diffference somewhere to somebody? i dunno... i feel useless and redundant in this world... its like as if i shouldn't be here. like i'm a generation too early or too late... i just dun see a point of why i'm here... wad is my purpose? besides in my time here on earth, wad have i accomplished? wad have i done? how have i bettered another's life? cos all i have brought are problems and hurt... so wad exactly is the point of my existence? will anybody truly miss me when i'm gone? will you even notice? somehow i doubt so... maybe one day i'll realy just disappear, just to see if anybody notices... but how? i dunno... maybe take a trip outta the country, maybe i'll migrate unknowingly? hmmm maybe i'll just get hit by a car? not that the last one will be intentional, i've played chicken with cars and bikes before, not exactly the nicest exprience in the world... oh wells, till the next time i blabber, ciao!

Can i be more stupid??!!!!

2006-08-29T22:43:00.000-07:00

How could i be so stupid as to jump to conclusions again! FUCK! Arggh! now the one i love has been hurt by me again! yes, no doubt its over, i still love her! and yet i have to screw things up agian! why! why am i so jealous? why am i so stupid? Why? Why? WHY???????

I'm so sorry darling, haiz, so much i wanna say to you, i wish that i can really turn back time. so i can right this wrong, so i can take this back. but i cannot. damn. once again i have failed the love of my life. and whats more i called her a liar. over one stupid fucking thing! wad the fuck is wrong with me? everything i do seems bad! eveything i touch dies! what am i good for?

Honey, if u read this, i am sorry, i didn't mean to hurt u again. i know u have had enough of this crap from me, i'll understand if u never speak to me again. its, my fault, is my doing. I hope you have fun this friday, i really do, i just wanted to spend time with you thats all, and after all this while with you, i guess i still haven't learnt to calm down, i guess u were always my reason to stay calm, i dun doubt that i love you and that u still love me in a way, but should u choose to hate me, i will hold no grudge against u, i know its my fault. Haiz, i really hope this isn't the end to our friendship. but if it is, for what its worth, i am sorry.

I'm sorry sweetie, i really am, its just me being the idiot that i am again. i hope somehow u forgive me, i never meant to call u a liar. and i'll never call u a liar again cos i know u dun lie. if u forgive me, pls message me when u read this, if u dun, well... all i can say is i'm sorry, i wanna tell u so much but i dun think u wanna listen to it. i still love you even though its over.

2006-08-27T06:32:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling dead tired now. Yesterday, hit the gym with Gabriel, den went fishing at Bishan Park, caught zilch. Den went home, had dinner and went fishing agian at Changi, caught zilch. Felt tired after gym and all den Gabe and Dada came over, slept at 5 am, woke up at 11:30 am!!!! Almost died of a heart attack. We had missed the last morning mass. So Gabe and I sent Dada off at compass, den went to meet Joe and the rest for lunch. After lunch, went to church for server's meeting and after that proceeded to wreck more pain upon my already strained body, went for Soccer! YEAH! Finally, an outlet for all the emotions I've had to pen up! It felt good when it lasted, but the pain i physically feel now is still dwarfed by the pain within my heart and soul... Why? I tried so hard to be the one to be there for you... To be the one you can share everything with, you promised we'll still keep close and share, I just hope this is true. Cos soon you'll be really busy, and as for me... i guess i'll be alive somewhere, but never truly living. Window for me is higher and smaller still... If only the hands of time can be turned back... so many more possibilities, so many more... Yeah, thanks for the memories too...

What I truly feel, right now, at this very second...

2006-08-23T10:17:00.000-07:00

Alas it is Over, Alas i fell.
I fell from heaven to Hell.
Now my battered Soul,
Wishes for a hole,
Deeper and darker,
Than any man-made well.

I will never be,
The guy all of you used to see.
Just a shell and shadow,
Of my former proud and jovial self.

Do not fret, Do not dispair,
I have yet to fully dissappear.
Now my heart, rots in anger.
My soul, in hate.
Lucky we didn't last Longer.
Cos then I'd truly feel pure hate!

Hate for empty promises,
Hate for feelings of emptyness.
Hate for things I had done,
Hate for things that I had Said.
Now numbness takes over,
As life drians from my veins.

I just pray, That the Lord may,
Hopefully one fine day,
That in somehow and someway,
Bring us back together, one day...
As for this sad day,
This is all i have to say.
Say goodbye Dear all,
To the Boy you once knew,
Say hello Dear all,
To the man who'll forever remain blue...

2006-08-23T07:09:00.000-07:00

Hi guys please IGNORE the previous post. Just Felt stuping and like being an IDIOT, guess i was just blowing off steam. Thanks for caring enough to read anyways! :)

Tears

2006-08-23T06:43:00.000-07:00

Tears of water stain my pillow, of blood stain my heart. Why do i still weep in the silence in the solitude of the night? How the bloody hell should i know???!!! Pain wrecks my heart and soul! My body is weak and numb to my surroundings, i seriously doubt a stab to the heart now with a red hot blade will even be registered! Why am i going through all this! ust when a major fucking worry passes, one more takes its place! My granny's ill with Breast Cancer! WTF right?! What is the lesson to be learnt? All i feel now is pain and the sense that i'm totally fucking lost! Why! Why do i feel this way?! Smiles that i once gave so willingly now are forced and meaningless! Damn me to hell la! That way none of you innocent blessed people will have to recieve false smiles and half laughs! Where is that bottle of poison when i need it?! Argh! Will somebody please shoot the living God outta me?! I don't deserve to have Him in my life. And if i don't deserve even God, what makes me worthy of all my friends? All you blessed people? Thank you all so much for carrying this cursed boy amongst you all this while. I really appreciate it. But i don't think you guys should have to put up with my bad moods and foul language! I've tried to care, but i guess i have never tried enough! Well, to all those whom i've disappointed, i'm so very sorry. Seriously, i am. For all those whom i have made sad or cry for one reason or another, i'm sincerely sorry too. But yes, i guess words are cheap... I guess you'll never know how truly apologetic i am towards you. Haiz, forgive me for being imperfect. But worry not, this isn't a final goodbye. No matter how fucked up i am now, i'll never take my own life, that's God's perogative. Till i try to screw up your days again beloved readers, bye.

feelings...? Dun even know if i have them...

2006-08-19T08:12:00.000-07:00

Haiz... So many things have gone by and everyday i feel more left out, abandoned and alone... so empty this heart and soul of mine have become... I just hope that i can stick to the promises i made and that my special somebody can too... hmmm is it wrong for me to still feel jealous and all that even though i know its over? is it wrong for me to want wad i had in the past back in my life? a loss that wasn't mine, i still mourn for... i wanna keep you going, keep you strong. i wana understand wad you're goin through but you just wun let me near anymore! why???!!! wad have i done wrong? wad do you want of me? i tried to be there for you, you just chose to push me aside... what is a friend for anyway.

Well, sorry for sounding so bloody EMO, but there are people whom i'd like to thank. 1stly my beloved brother, Gabe, thanks u've been a real help to me these past few days when u stayed over, Gwen, dodo, thanks for being there for me! Words cannot begin to describe how thankful i am that i got a friend like you and how grateful i am for your listening ear. And last but not least, thanks darling, for all the sweet memories. I hope that in the course of time, many more will come our way and if they don't, i pray that these beautiful moments won't burn away in the anger and jealousy which i sometimes feel now...

God, thanks for giving me all that you have, even the trials i face now. because i know that with your guidance, i will emerge a stronger deeper person!

...

2006-07-18T07:32:00.000-07:00

haiz, so much to do these few days, so many things on my mind. lack of destressing and comfort from the cruel world. losing my appetite losing out on sleep, losing my mind, losing my grip on reality, losing the feelings in my lgs, arms, whole body. wishing for some hole in the earth to swallow me up and never spit me back out. feeling useless and redundant. feeling like as if i've done nothing even though it has been something. feeling like i'd just wanna puke my guts out. feeling lost and alone. words don't seem to do the trick, hugs take the pain away for a while. worries on my mind that i have no control of. sickness enveloping me, pain wrecking me, hope leaving me and love? its still there. its the only thing keeping me going. it seems like life isn't worth holding on to, sometimes i wish a heart attack will just pop by and say its distructive hello.
maybe i am secretly suicidal, a secret even unknown to myself. maybe i am doomed to an early grave, wad a reprive it'd be. but i can't just leave, some much to finish, so much to take care of... so many souls that i cherish and love too much to leave behind. may god have mercy on me and the rest of the world. the jealousy of my heart adds to the pain i already have, though not as bad as a loss of a loved one, still painful and distuctive to my emotions, self-confidence and faith in others. God, why am i so selfish? pls help me... so much i wana let out, so much i cannot share. the pain u don't see, the pain i don't show. the tears of blood i cry unseen, the wounds upon me invisible, the loss of spirit in life. if anyone of my friends reads this, dun think twice about it. its just stress, or is it? hell awaits me. i hope none of u blessed folks join me there.

Sweetheart, i'm happy u have finally found something u really love. i just hope we will last as long as we said we would. but then agian... like u said what isn't our's just isn't.

Back again

2006-07-06T05:59:00.000-07:00

Good Lord is been like bloody ages since i'v updated.... guess haven't had the time and just too lazy... hahas... anyhows my life in SP is pretty fun and well been slacking loads la! hmmm not a good thing i know but hey everybody's a slacker once in a while right? haha. yeah now i'm in tennis but haven't had bloody training in frigging ages! haiz! so bloody pissed! okok well its been tests la thats why. Hmmm dunno why, but everytime my darling, who's studying in NP btw, goes for dance or even mentions it, i feel a tinge of jealousy and a little or should i say very insecure... maybe its cos i know i'm not that great a guy and i'm fat and all, but sheesh it gets scary when my mind begins to wander off into thoughts that frighten me even more. but enough of that shit! been crying over that bloody f*ing nonsense for too damn long! haiz.... oh well got lotsa shit to do so yeas cya! ciaoz! and take care! btw i have a cold sore on my lip and it blody f*ing hurts! guess my mouth's too dirty haha!

update

2006-03-18T09:05:00.000-08:00

In all adversity, there is hope, in all darkness, light and yes even in death, there is life... to all who read this, never give up hope on life and on yourself. How strong you are, is how strong you percieve yourself to be. If weak is how you see yourself, then weak you shall be. But for those who feel weak, come seek God and he shall give you comfort and strength.

I know losing somebody close to you is hard, particularly if you've known that person your whole life, but death has yet to claim victory over them for they are alive in you! No matter how much you think that they've left, they are never really gone, not as long as the love you have for them still burns within you!

Darling, thanks for friday, the time spent with you was, is and will always be cherished and remembered. Sweetheart, in all these many months that we've spent in love, not one day amongst them have i ever regretted. In fact, waking up everyday knowing that you love me is good enough a reason to keep me alive and wanting to see tomorrow. Everything we've shared these past months has been beautiful, even the sad and painful moments. Thanks for everything. Hopefully one day somewhere in the future will see us standing at the altar exchanging vows and spending the rest of our lives together.

Alright, lets see now, on wednesday i went fishin with Gabe Teo and Mark Ambrose, reached Lower Seletar Reservoir at about 230 pm and we fished till about 5. During that time only one fish was caught, by your's truly of course! haha =) And that fish is my first fish of the year! Gosh i miss the fight. But i miss you more darling! Thursday was rather uneventful, as was monday and tuesday, but friday was immensely enjoyable as i went swimming with my darling and then proceeded to spend some private time at my place after eating prata at casurina road. Then sent her home, all in all it was a great day and i hope more will follow. =) Well to all who are about to take their A levels, Good Luck, Godspeed and God Bless!

back again

2006-03-08T10:10:00.000-08:00

hello. long time no see guys! darling i miss you, love you, never gonna leave you! :) hmmm well much has happened in the timespan in which i've gone MIA. oh well o levels came and went. 1st yr with clarissa has come and gone too. now we're looking at our 17th month coming up soon. :) hmmm speaking of my sweetest darling, i ask all who read this to pray for her and her family as she had to let her daddy go not too long ago. at least we know he is back in God's company. he was a good, no, a great man! i really respect him. darling should u need anything, just tell me k? i'll do my best to help out. i love you!

and back on the topic of o levels, got 12 pts for L1R4 and 17 pts for L1R5. so ya am happy. got accepted into course and school of my choice. sadly won't be sharing school with my darling. but hey she'll be just down the road from me so it ain't too bad.

hmmm got rewarded with a new fishin reel and 500 bucks for good grades. so ya tts the cherry on the cake. but if theres one thing sweeter than that, it has to be that my darling and i are still very much in love. never thought we'd last this long, but i haven't any compliants nor regrets. i love her too much to brood over the pain and sad moments we've gone through.the only thing we can do is learn from them. but one thing is for sure, i intend to keep on loving my darling till the day God say's my time here on earth is done. and even after that, i'll still love her! sweetheart, i promise to love and honour you all the days of my life. really. tts wad i say now and i'll keep to it!

life's been really eventful. full of gains and losses. so yes, if u do consider yourself a friend of mine, please do what i've requested of u and thats to pray for my beloved girlfriend and her family to get by well after this serious emotional shock and loss. and pray that the good lord take his soul and give him eternal rest in heaven.

PS: love u sweetheart!

I'm Back!

2005-05-15T21:56:00.000-07:00

Staring at the moon so blue, Turning all my thoughts to you I was without hopes or dreams, I tried to dull an inner scream but you saw me through
Walking on a path of air. See your faces everywhere. As you melt this heart of stone, you take my hand to guide me home and now I'm in love
[Chorus:] You took my heart away, when my whole world was gray. You gave me everything and a little bit more. And when it's cold at night and you sleep by my side, you become the meaning of my life.
Living in a world so cold, you are there to warm my soul. You came to mend a broken heart.You gave my life a brand new start and now, I'm in love...
[Chorus:] You took my heart away, when my whole world was gray. You gave me everything and a little bit more. And when it's cold at night and you sleep by my side, you become the meaning of my life.
Holding your hand, I won't fear tomorrow. Here were we stand,we'll never be alone.

I love you lots darling dearest. And just so you know, i miss you loads and will continue to do so for the next two weeks. I pray to God that they won't drag by, otherwise i might die, from missing you so, you whom i love most. And baby, i just wanna let you know, that i'll never let go! not now, not ever, never as long as God lives! Btw good luck for our O's honey and continue to work hard! love you lots!

Sweetheart, this other one's for you too!
I was almost about to lose my faith. Was still dreaming but feared it was too late.
But then you came along to my surprise, and stole my heart before my very eyes.
Chorus:
You took me right out of the blue simply by showing that you love me too only by giving me your everything with a love so true you took me out of the blue.

I was wondering what love was all about, I was trying but couldn't work it out .
But then you came along to my surprise, and made my frozen mind come alive
Chorus:
You took me right out of the blue simply by showing that you love me too only by giving me your everything with a love so true you took me out of the blue.

You let me out of the darkness, you brought me out in the sun. I think you must be the only one for me 'cos you took me
Right out of the blue simply by showing that you love me too only by giving me your everything breathing air below my wings. You took me right out of the night simply by filling my heart with light only by giving me your energy with a love so true you took me out of the blue.

Yes Darling, its all true, you gave me light when u gave me love. Thank you so much.

relloooz!

2005-02-14T14:37:00.000-08:00

What would you say if I asked you not to go To forget everyone forget everything and start over with me Would you take my hand and never let me go promise me you'll never let me go And now the stars aren't out tonight but neither are we to look up at them why does hello feel like goodbye These memories can't replace These wishes I wish and dreams I chase Take this broken heart and make it right I feel like I've lost everything when your gone Left remembering what its like To have you here with me I thought you should know Your not making this easy I never thought I'd be the one to say "Please don't, please don't leave me" Take my hand and never let me go Take my hand and never let me go Promise me You'll never let go Make this last forever! -promise by Matchbook Romance

Wad would u realli say darling? Btw HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY HONEY! I LOVE YOU LOADS! And to the rest of u readers, SAME TO YOU! haha! hmm lets see, CNY wasn't that bad more angpows this year. now all yall will most probably get gifts from me hehe! and yes you too darling! haha! and yes thanks you darling for tuesday! i really enjoyed ever single minute we spent together! and i will never stop loving you!

Gosh skools been fun lately with all the tests and shit! haha realli hope iu'lll do well this year! damn the pressure keeps knawing at me! shit la the feeling sucks big time man! still i do find solace in the company of friends and my love! hehe : ) OH YES! to all those who read this, i know i'm very late but ey, HAPPIE NEW YEAR! afterall, CNY does have 15 daes now dun it? haha! crap la feelin lousy today den came home earli from skool! oh and speaking of wellness, today is my Mummy's Birthday! haha! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!! hmmm so wish i was with you now dear but unfortunately, i'm not! darny! well needa go sleep now la feeling very drowsy! hehe! have fun yall!

yahoo!

2005-01-28T23:25:00.000-08:00

hey hey hey! I GOT MY COM REPAIRED! hmmmm now can go online daily le! shiok! hahah! and Darling, you are welocome to come and use the computer anyday! i love you sweetheart! ya these few weekz have been boring! the only high points are when i go and sneak out to meet my love. hehe. and at times, i just walk outta the house and dun give 2 shits to who thinks wad about it! haha! Oh ya, friday was a good day fer me hehe! i had an accounts test in e morning and i think i scored full marks! yahoo! and then to end the day on a high note, i spent the afternoon with my darling! heheh! oh wait the open house days cannot be forgotten too! i went to ngee ann and nanyang ploys, both days with my dear of course! haha! my gosh the days in skool past real slow on some days and too damn fast on others! haiz. all i look forward to is CNY, when i can get some hongpaos den can buy ppl pressies! haha! ya i feel so lazy now. later going to play bball with Gab F and the galz, i think reen, aggie and nad are going. hopefully there'll be more joining us! haha! haiz i miss you very very very much darling! hmmm hopefully, we can spend some time this week though it needn't be that long, just some time will do ya! i simply cannot wait till the O's are done! haiz!!!! Oh well too laz to type le so ya ending off here! Thanks darling for loving me like i love you!

haiz sianz

2005-01-15T13:25:00.000-08:00

hello my frienz i'm back. sheesh these few days of skool realli boring yet exciting. exciting cos of Os and boring cos its still skool! but at least i've got somebody to share these days with! haha! man the hmwk still not very the much la can still tahan but wad scares me is that i won't do well la! hmmmm well lets see, last wekk, she and i met up a couple of times, this week too on tuesday and friday. DARLING! i wanna see you again! haha! been meaning to get my basketball back from that monkey Ian Cheong too! but oh well he keeps "forgetting" to bloody bring da ball! so ya no ball, no fun, no exercise! haiz. well these past few days have been rather uneventful so i'm not going to say much more. but to my dearest darling, i love you! and i always will!

happay new year!

2004-12-31T16:10:00.000-08:00

well well well, the year 2004 is about to pass le, gooodneessss! that was quick, i didn't even realize it till yesterday! i cannot believe in a matter of hours, we will be welcoming the year 2005! which should be a good year considering that i do have my O's ta look forward ter! dang! now i'm begining to feel scared! sheesh if 2004 went by that fast, then wad will 2005 be like?!!!! i wanna go through it fast but i want the time to study for the darn examz! wah now pressure liao. hope i don't go absolutely bloody nuts! but hey liddat got a lot of change meh? haha! now i'm just savoring the last few hours of 2004 and trying to think up resolutions for this next coming year! hmmm u guys muz be wonderin wad i've been doin these past couple of days, well for starters, monday was spent with pals, GF, Kat, Dodo, Nad and ya tts about it. cos we went to look fer Uncle B's pressie and tried finding Auntie D one but kinda failed. hehe oops. wah crap lor, initially was supposed to spend the day with my love, but she couldn't make it so ya went out, den she message me at 3 and said she was free le. haiyo was in town can??!!!! haiz sway. but nevermind. den went to Raffles Place Shopping Centre, NOT Raffles City MRT station! to go visit Sheena at delifrance haha. thanks for the company Sheena! haha and we were sitting beside the boss even better still! hahaha. den Kat and Dodo left so it was me, Nad and GF. wenta taka to look for pressies for Nad's pals and aunty D's pressie, but failed yet again! haiz quite the frustrating you know?! anyhow, went home with them and met Dodo on the NEL at Little India, well i kinda made her stop and wait la. oops sorry Dodo! hehe. den hit Sengkang and walked Dodo home. den had a chat and went home myself. yep. tuesday was not bad either, went to buy a new DVD player with my mommy in the morning and then after lunch, went to meet my darling! hehe apent a while with her and then i headed home. could've gone to Nig's place but turned down the offer. so ya ended up watching tv at home. haha. the next day, wednesday, went out to meet my dear at CP at around 1130 and only left at close to 12 plus. so ya headed to town hoping to catch phanthom of the opera with her but unfortunately couldn't cos of show timings at Lido so went to cine but they didn't even have the show, so watched after the sunset instead. nice show. hehe well mainly cos of the company but ya still funny show man! i recommend the show but only on week days cos of the pricing hehe. but before the show, the two of us just strolled around in taka waiting for the time to pass. and after the show, went back to taka to get something for her sis. yep then walked about a bit more then decided to head home. at dhoby, met Sheena and she told us tt Aggie and Maureen were still an town but they were already on the train so ya they stopped at Farrer Park and joined up with us. chatted till we got off at Serangoon, her and i, i mean and i sent her home. but before we parted, i finally lost my first kiss! and thankfully, its to the person whom i love with all my worth! hehe thanks my love, i had an awesome time! and on thursday, yesterday, went to GF's place and stayed there the whole day till about 8pm. haha den left and came home. wad did we do you might ask, well watched Standing Tall and played Mahjong and Burnout 3. ya. who was there? well there was Dodo, Dada, GT, Nig, GF, myself and not forgetting GF's maid and Rascal! that smelly dog! GAB, go bathe your dog and brush his teeth! then came home, cleared off all my old stuff mostly for donations to e tidal wave victims and after tt, watch Return Of The King till 4. den fell asleep. woke up to find my mommy at home. went out after my mommy left e house to meet my darling, tried to convince her to come over with my parents at home but was unsuccessful. so ya in the end sent her off at CP and came back to write all of the above. will be going for mass later with my dear and my friends haha. so ya till i write or type again! ciaoz and have a blessed new year yall!

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!! YAHOOOO!!!!!!

2004-12-27T11:20:00.000-08:00

wow, holy monkey cow! christmas has come and gone! dang thats fast. okok enuff of tryin ta snuff the living spirit of it! wow! so many pressies and all of em are awesome, beautiful, lovely and all are most definately apprecaited by this fat boi here! yeah haha. hmmm mosta yall gonna be wondering wad we was doing on christmas eve right? well in da first part of da nite, Dada, Dodo, Gab F, Gab T, Nigel and meself were decked out in our christmas best! and all of us were in black or real dark colours except the 2 Gabz! haha GT wore a nice deep shade of maroon and GF wore a blue shirt. but GT only joined us half way through dinner. which was good and didn't cost too much tooo! cool! yeah the guys looked good but the gals stole all the glances! both were like godesses amongst men! but ya tts the way its been hehe. after dinner, we headed to church and at that time, it was bearly even 915. so ya reached church at 930 or something like dat and the crowds for the 8pm mass were just about done. so ya got lotsa comments on our dressing and stuff. it was real cool! hehe and then we were like bored so ya we passed time by wandering around and about church. well for us guys it wasn't dat bad cos we had to help out for the mass at 1030. it was for the midnight mass which was realli nice! ya then about 11 my heart was seriously lifted beyond the starz many will know why and tts cos my darling came to church! hey baby if you're reading tiz, I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU TONS! yeah after mass it was gift exchange time! very cool! hehe tts when i gots lotsa pressies! and then we all took pictures! so fun! haha and my darling and i finally got a picture taken of us! hehe she was absolutely amazing! haha yesh darling you still are! and after that i walked down to compass with her and the resta tha gang hehe! so fun. but oh well things always are fun with friends now ain't they? ya well after we reahed compass, i walked me darling to the spot where she was supposed to be picked up by her dad, who kinda took a while but hey better for us right, anyway won't say anymore about wad happened le its well how do i put this? errmz wad happened between us is well just for us! haha! but ya after she left, got complaints that somebody was frozen. and all were tired and bored! haha oops! okok my fault, i cannot split myself in 2. well when we got to my place, i opened a few gifts and one of them i will carry on my person now and forever! its the gift which has a different kinda special place in my heart! heheh! oops blushing as i write this haha! well santa has visited me twice this hols and i hope that you guys out there will get something from him and god soon! okay moving back to my place, we all got great gifts and stuff but didnt open them till miss KATRINA GOH arrived later in the morning at about 7 plus so yup we got all our buddies and opened our gifts dang all of them are so cool thanks again guys, you realli made me feel like its christmas again! woohoo!! and then MNG went to serve mass at 9 am on christmas day! haha nigel almost fell off his chair while serving it was so hillarious! hehe! oops sorry bro but i just had to say! and yes on the topic of NIGEL LEE, you won't believe how this bum woke me up at about 7 in the morning! he threw a slipper at me! so much for brotherhood! haha just kidding bro! and yah Kat arrived shortly after. so ya all the pressies unwrapped and all the sleepy smiles exchanged, the guys went for mass and GF went home. the gals stayed but kat left just as we were walking back to my place and ya we said bye and stuff but we did come back with Bon! haha ya den reach my house, i fell asleep. so did bon, nigel and the girls. i think. after the buch of buggers went home, i decided to hit the bed! and yes only woke up at about 3, thanks to my cousin and another cousin's boyfriend! well thanks guys! i really needed that! hahaz and then went over to granny's to eat which is just next door and had chats with my cousins and den later on played soccer! haha cannot believe i still had the energy. hehe and yes my mind was still on wad happened earlier that moring at about 2! hehe. den after dinner, took a bath and went back to sleep. den went to serve yet again the 9 am for sunday mass! oh well i canoot say tt i didn't enjoy serving! hehe oops but i can get boring at times. still i dun wanna be the VP no more! ok after mass, went to KFC for lunch/breakfast! with Gab F, Gen, Raf, George, Jess, Maureen. and were later joined by Gab T, Dada, Dodo, Kat, Sheena, Aaron and last but not least Nad. haha. ya then went to town with the whole big grp! gosh we were some gang man haha. anyhow couldn't watch meet the fuc*ers oops i meant fockers cos lotsa ppl underage la. hahaha young KIDS!!!! oops sorry hehee! den we split and the 4 Gs with Nigel, Kat and meself were left. still wanting to watch the fockers. but ended up in carrefour buying saving private ryan and dirty dancing 2 both very nice shows! yah then went for dinner with Nigel, Dada and Dodo! Then went to pick up a gift for my friend which was conviniently left at my aunt's place. then went home. took a shower, watched tv till 3 then went to sleep. and i kinda just woke up at 11 plus so ya tts all folks! see yall again soon especially you my darling!

finally i have come back to update!

2004-12-20T18:34:00.000-08:00

my gosh ever since sept...... wow proves how bloody lazy i can get. sheesh hopefully next year won't be like this. btw xam resluts were only average though i did grab 4th place. haiz never felt this good about the exam resultz before. hmmm enough about the bloody examz and skool. kinda boring. so ya shall update on life outta skool. hmmm after skool ended, got together more often wif palz, yall know who u are. and some special things happened too. not gonna say wad because many people know liao. heheh. i really miss the date the 6th of november. many know why too.

hmmm lets see thats the begining of e hols and nothing real awesome happened then neither did anything happen before the hols except exam stress. whoo glad i pulled through this time round.

all the kool stuff happens after the hols began. things such as regular outings with kat and gab f and nad and maureen. not forgetting aggie and many otherz but those are the basic few hahaha. now many of yall will be going like wad happened to nigel and gab t. well nigel joined a cool buch of buggers and now hes in WSC (Wicked Skate Crew) so ya hes been hanging about wif them more often. and as for GT, hes got his own life to lead as well. so ya i'm left with the above mentioned few. then finally november came to an end and dodo was free from the bindings of work and that meant more outings! haha. but ya she and kat came over a couple of times to crash my place and try some of MY clothes on. dang the looked funni in my huge clothes. hahaha.

hmm all that aside, more stuff to say. going to watch blade trinity tomorrow and some of my usual suspects coming over to ton at my place. haha. yeah haiz... its going to be christmas soon and i haven't bought half my presents for all my buddies! crap!!!! but oh well i hope i have the monetary means to but pressies! oh oh and poor dodo was freaked outta her wits by me last night cos i pretended to be a vampire! hahahah the poor girl ran to her lift for her life and was scared by me, so much so that she fell on the floor of the lift. hahah well dodo if you're reading this, sorry hehe.

ummm cannot forget to say this to all mi pals waiting for the o level results, good luck and don't worry. ahh yes not forgetting, CONGRATS DODO! on getting 6 pts for your n's! i'm so prouda you! haha.

and to that special somebody out there, If I know what love is, It is because of you. and like a lily amongst thorns, you are amongst women.

ouch my fingers!

2004-09-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

well letz see now, my fingers hurt cos i've been practising on da guitar. yes thats right, you're not halucinating. i bought my guitar just yesterday, with bag and book for $108 not cheap yet not ex. for many they said, wow nice and cheap huh? well not really cos i blew a chunck of mi savings on it. well its acoustic anyway. and thats why my fingers hurt so much cos the strings are harder and they're all made of steel. sheesh. well for the rest of the days i haven't checked in, i've just been lazing around and trying to score well for my CTs which didn't do dat bad either even though i only managed to get 2 A1s and an A2, with 1 b3, 1 c5 and 2 f9s. crap i was really disappointed with my POA i failed miserably! but the recent test which i had last week made up for it cos i got A1 again. hahaz so its really not that bad. yeah mosta yall must be sayin i'm a show off and i am well kinda anyhow. but honestly wad can a repeat student do? fail everythin? i think NOT! oh and i recently just made VP for servers damn i should've stepped down ages ago hahaz. now its just gonna be more bloomin work! OH dat reminds me, i went fishing on saturdae with my sis and i caught a big fat louhan! hahaz i threw it back of course cos i don't really like'em that much. and i'm lookin forward to my next fishin adventure with my mommy and sis. hope fully i'll be able to catch more then just louhan this time. haha. well seriously cannot wait yet want to, for the examz to arrive so can get it over with and have holidaes after that, but scared that they come too fast cos not a lot of revision done yet. and now the end year papers got me in fits of fear cos if by now u haven't realized, i did fail last year's ones! haiz so sickening. oh and btw Kat, Dodo and Nig were at my place juz now and Kats learning the guitar too. so while Dodo watched and Nigel taught, the 2 of us learned. and hes quite a good teacher i might add. thanks bro! so yeah gonna halt the words here so see yall when i see ya and till then, GOD BLESS!

hey again!

2004-09-06T22:55:00.000-07:00

yoyoyo wad up ppl! yeah! yesterday was good and so was they day before even though i heard FR. Richard's sermon like 3 times in 2 daes damn it was a killeR! but anyhow, went to takas after the whole salt thingy with my family and my dad got himself a pair of shoes and we all ate lotsa stuff. and to finish off agood day, i had a great dinner at imperium chinese dining restaurant. very classy in fact it used to be sparx disco. yeah the food was only moderate considering the dishes ordered cos i didn't do it! but yah still had great fun! haha oh yah got myself a nice new BIG yellow shirt and a new pair of jeans with 2 new polos but this was all gotten last week, with the exception of the big Tee, but hey i am kinda forgetful at times ya? hahas. today i caught "A cinderella story" with gab t, bon and nig, nice show yall, i recommend it to yaz! but i really wanna watch Anacondas lookz damn koolz! oh we must not 4get to wish Kat all the best in recovering from her illness and not forgetting Gerad Fransis 2! well miss yall and gimme a message if you're not doing anything this week okay? i'm sure this fat boi can think of something we can all do!

hallowz

2004-09-03T23:10:00.000-07:00

yoyo chungys back! ahhz well well well problems for people nowadaes are really getting weirder and weirder. some dunno which person to jio. some dunno wadda do in problem situations and some jus neva wanna face the bloody problem in the 1st place hahaz! well not to say that i know all the people who have these probs i've just been listening as usual! so really wad to do? well take my advice no matter how pious it sounds and just pray about it and face the prob head on hahaz! hmmz life's been a bit boring lately and so far kinda saddening cos i only managed to score an a2 for comb. science and an a1 for both DNT and E.Maths which in my case the latter is virtually unheard of! heheh but i failed my Accounts! arghz damn saddened! but its accompanied with my chinese which is kinda expected larz hahah! so really it ain't that bad! oh did i mention my fishie tank looks so good that my dad is actually jealous of it? hahaha! and i just got myself a nice new fighting fish which kinda cost a bomb but i think its worth it. yea! but this bad boy ain't for fighting he is for breeding! i might even make some cash outta the babies! kool huh? oh well quite late now and i gotta get off the com so ya take care yall out there!

ahhz no pain hahaz

2004-08-29T00:45:00.000-07:00

heheh i dun have any muscle aches from yesterdae! lalalaz damn shiok feelinf this morning just a lil stiff at the legs and back but got better after about half an hour! oh went to collect some fishies today and bought plants. now my tank looks way cool! hahahz next thing yall know is i'll be putting shrimp in it hehehe! oh well after going home and putting down the stuff, went to nig's to watch Garfeild! damn that cat is funny and damn BHB hahaz! yea he and i have 3 things in common and they are our size, love for lasagna and laziness. oops did i reveal 2 much? hahaz. hmmmz after that still played some soccer, took a break then went back at it! heheh! you must think Gab Teo, Nig and I are nutz but hey guess wad, we aRe! muahahahaha! oh well back at nigel's now cos i'm gonna spend da nite here with gab and nig! we gonna be talkin shit the whole nite hahaz! okay they complaining i've used the com too long so ya ciaoz! and all my love to yall out there who know me!

Hmmmz ouch again?

2004-08-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

hahaz helloz my friendz! reason fot title is that after many months break, i finally played some HARDCORE BBALL! ahh the aftermath is painful but the adrenaline rush during the game is worth all of the pain! and after the bball i still played soccer! haiz now damn tired. u must be wondering who in the world went with this blubbery blimp well they are nig and gabriel f. GT couldn't make it cos of personal reasons but all went well. we were joined by 2 of me skoolmates earlier on but they had to leave shortly after we started playing. kinda sad cos less competition. all i hope is that tomorrow i won't wake up all sore and all! Oh yeah kinda forgot but examz finish on monday! so happy becos finally freedom draws near! i can barely imagine wad i'll do manz! oh well real tired now so i'm gonna relax so ya ciaoz and till we meet again!

boring boring boring

2004-08-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

Well you are probably saying to yourselves yes life can get boring but how boring can it get aye? Well truth be told very! Cos now i'm in the midst of my bloody CAs which also means i'm grounded cos my parents say i've been hanging out too much. Sheesh i mean cut me a little more slack dudes i didn't get 3rd in class by sitting on my ass and doing squat ya know even though it may sometimes look that way. But i study on my own weird and quirkie ways hahaz. Once again however, misfortunte finds me and my freedom is yanked from my grasp! And wad do i do in response? Nothing of course! I ain't about to be stoopid and get another few weeks added to how long i'm already grounded fer! But there is one thing that i do look forward to doing when i get home and thats to play with and watch my fishes! Dang i think 2 or more of em are pregnant cos they are really FAT! Worse than the owner hahaz! I just need a smaller tank for breeding them but now no time also larz so they'll just have to wait! Hahaz oh well its getting kinda late and i've got 2 papers tomorrow so ya i'll catch yall another time yeaz? Ciaoz and all my love to all my friendz!

AVP RAWKXZ

2004-08-22T22:35:00.000-07:00

hahaz guess by the title yall already know wad i'm about to blabber and flabber on about! well for starters its a nice movie though i will not disclose the ending as i dun wanna spoil the fun for all yall who've not watched it yet. See? I can be considerate hahas! well wad most Pred critics say about them being useless without their guns is kinda true haha but you will also find that they can be a real bad muthafuc**r up close and personal and as for the aliens well their up to their wierd old slimy business again! and not to mention rather evil hehehz but when they got themselves killed on screen by those huge Preds, you can only see one response from me and Gab F and that is cheering the Pred on to beat the bloody living hell outta the alien and though there were casualties and a quirky ending, it was a darn fun movie just that i would not go for it on a weekend as the price ain't really that worth it even though it is Alien Versus Predator. But hey for those really die hard fanz of both races the hey just do it! And i also am waitin for the world's most famous tubby Cat to Hit the screens as yall know i'm talking about Garfeild. hahaz yeah but he and i have only two things in common, our size and love for lasagna! haha yeppz its really no wonder why i'm this chubby haha! oh well i wouldn't mind losin like 15 kgz. hey i might even look a bit Like a Pred if i workout properly hahaha! oh well the day was fun and the movie good and now its time for me to hit the bed cos got CTs the whole week! ummmz and all my love to all me palz whom are reading this cos it shows yall care no matter the amount!

i'm back! again....

2004-08-21T23:21:00.000-07:00

ahhhz it feels kinda good coming back to write about my rather uneventful life... hahaz oh well been slacking yet oddly enough scoring in studies with testimony form my recent ss and chem tests. but basically still very lazy so i guess nothins changed hehehz. started up my fish tank again recently, but there seems to be something wrong with the clarity of the water. yea so will do my best and hope that me fish dun die. well these past few months have really been rather boring and ummz i dunno just lifeless. i guess all the old clique stuff has reeally gone down the bloody drain and shit i just hate it! but life must go on inevitably, though we might fall and get hurt we must always persevere to the very end. quiters never win and winners never quit! aint that wad most ppl say? i know all this gibberish makes little or no sense but hey this is me and i hope change for the better and not the worse but hey all people make mistakes. and my deepest condolenses to those who are in sadness for one reason or another.
btw Gerad Frasis is on the comeback trail so please i only request that al yall pray a little more and a little harder as he may yet again walk! thanks

rellowz

2004-07-01T05:54:00.000-07:00

yo yo yo! wad up ppl! i am back after my piggish 1 month break of the holidays! as most know i have been rather lazy during the hols visiting the court and gym only once! have put on weight haiz now must run harder and faster hahaz! but hey at least thr hols weren't a complete loss i went to facilitate at a confirmation camp! woohoo tecnically i was there on invite so ya! And here are my thanks, to all those who supported me in going fer the meetings and stuff, to all the adult Facils and organizers who helped me through and stuff espcially the invitation part, to my other youth facils, that means the 2 Gabriels, Kat, Dada, Dodo, Jenny, Jessica and last but not Least, Joe! Thanks guys yall being there meant lots of difference! i really loved this camp. Thanks to all the ppl at the CAYC who provided us with food and beds even though some were stolen by the girls... haha! i wanna thank the confirmants in accepting the facils as part of da group and treating us like and eventually becoming buddies, But most of ALL i wanna lift ALL my thanks to GOD! Dude without you we couldn't have done jack man! thanks loads! and i just wanna wish all those getting confirmed this year the best of luck and all the love in the world, most specially to my bro, Nigel and my darling little daughter, Gen. and to all the rest wadever you all may need, call on me and i'll see wad i can do yeas? well the hols aside from tha camp were kinda average save my malaysian fishing trip on kelong! wow shiok caught tons of fish and a nice tan too :P hahazz.. but man the boat ride was kinda rough and there weren't as many biggies as i'd had hoped for but hey it was still fun! came back looking like an apple but who cares aye??!! hahaz!!
well the first few days of skool weren't exactly super fun but hey since when was skool exactly very fun in da 1st place? and speaking of skool, i just wanna wish all my palz taking the O levels this year all the best and lots of love from you chubby buddy! rock on dudes and dudettes wadeva happens i'll always be here for yall!!! well tired of typing le so ya will leave it at that! Ciaoz yall! and Peace Out! Chungy ;)

haiz

2004-06-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

yo guys sorry fer tha long break sice my last update, guess i have been having too much fun and so little on my mind hahaz. well from the 31st fo may till the 4th of june, i haven't touched a com so ya been slppeing over at Nig's place and a chalet. wowz those days were fun and exhausting. first on sunday wenta chomps for dinner then walked back to Nig's then got up the next day fer skool... got my report book, went back to Nig's to change and prepare to hit the chalet! woohoo dang shiok! Oh btw i got 3rd in class hehe :D On the 1st night, we had a BBq and we really made ourselves full especially Bon hahaz... oh the next day went bowling fer church, not too bad a score either hehe. came back and ate somemore... next day went bowling again! ouch how that bloody thumb of mine hurt! after that went kayaking where i got loads of fibreglass chips in my skin and not to mention a slight tan... yikes those places where the chips were imbeded hurt like crazy and i couldn't walk for nuts so walked somewhat like a penguine after that hahaz... but thankfully by the next morning tha pain had subsided when i got home, hugged my mom and spent the rest of the day with her and me sis. but had to go to compass to give Gab T back his ezlink card as he had left it wif me for safe-keeeping the day b4... oh well a whole week gone... shit i only have 3 left! arghz! oh almost forgot ter mention there was a mass for SALT on fridae and gab t, nig and i served! oh man the mass was beautiful! felt much better after that... yeah... and as for the past few days, i have been waking up late and pigging out... so ya till the next time i write ciaoz!!! ;)

ouchies

2004-05-27T05:10:00.000-07:00

yo today was a laid back day fer me cos all i did was play chinese chess wid me classmates wah boring like mad! didn't really play any sportz cos of the muscle strains when i played bball on tuesday yah yah call me a weakling, but ya won't know how weak i am unless yall come challenge me aye? ;) hahaz... wellz nothing much ta write about left but i do still ask for your continious and appreciated prayers fer Gerad Fransis, my best bud's bro... thanks once again to all yall!

Newbiee!

2004-05-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

well guys guess wad, i have finally gotten myself a blog! wowz hahaz tis'll be a farn and new exprience i hope ^_^. tag me anytime. well today went balling again, after dunno how long and with all mi palz. and 2 of the most prominent galz in my social circle! it was fun and a good time for most of us save one or two. will not say who or why... letz juz say the sea turned chopy... but back to bball! fun, fun and more fun. got trashed, and trashed some others but at the end of d day, all of us felt good and happy even though bad things did happen... but i really think it'll all work out! hahaz. i am sure most of yall r wondering who the 2 galz r. well they are mi best gal-palz, Gwen Cho and Kat! you gals really rock and i hope our friendship will last till the day God says i've had enough fun on earth! hehehz... and well you guys gotta work hard fer the examz ya?! =) and all the best fer the upcoming Os and we all MUST pray for my best friend's brother, Gerad Fransis as he was just involved in a very terrible accident so ya hope yall can pray fer him kaes?