Hi....

Hmmmm i'll be headed back to Australia for a holiday this december, but i'll be home for christmas... :) guess its a good thing... i cannot wait... just wanna get away from all the bloody crap i'm in now... just wanna disappear for a while... a friend said mixed feelings is wad their having now... so am i... i dunno wad to do, where to go... how to feel and think... i fall to the lowests pits of lows and shoot to the highest peaks of joys... but i am somhow never there for long... i'm always in either one... and very seldom in between... usually im in the former... dun ask why... i dunno as well. Haiz, some people have like disappeared from my circle of contacts but not my heart and mind... i miss them dearly... but then i also have disappeared from other people's lives, i wonder if it'd make a difference if i just did my disappearing act once more... what am i to my friends? just the bloody joker and a slacker... so wad diffy would it make if i vanished into thin air? afterall, i'm just a name and a face... nothing more than a picture and a few words... sometimes i wish that i could just disappear for a few days, weeks, months, years? i dunno, just for a period of time till i wanna come back... hmmm just had a typo error, instead of *come*, i typed *coma* maybe if i fell into a coma long enough, people would just forget about me, maybe not, i'll be a burden and a hassel on the hospital staff as well as my family, i'm better off dead... haha... well, at this point, death to me is a laughing matter... somehow i just don't take life seriously anymore... i dunno why, maybe its cos i have nothing left to cling on to... haiz, here i go again, thinking about death and suicide, how i wish my High Blood Pressure will just shoot higher and i'll end up in hospital... I've never stayed in a hospital for as long as i can remember... hmmm maybe its time to revisit the white halls perfumed by the scents of medication and flowers... well, hopefully my aussie trip will be the long desired and needed holiday in which i can forget about everything and everyone and come back a new man... oh wells till december... wake me up when november ends? haha...