back again

Many moons have past since I've last blogged. Well I've now finally passed outta bmt and have gone through the signals course. Thus now I'm a full fledged signaller in 46th sar. I sort of like the PT there. PT makes me feel good everytime I run and have a physical workout. well, aside from that, I've finaly taken my advanced open water course and am now an advanced diver! Woohooo! Buying my dive gear before my trip was indeed a good move. All in all I spent close to 3.7k on diving. Ridiculous I know but hey! I'm more comfortable with my personal gear now! Gosh my dive trip was awesome! Met some new and awesome friends and was reaccquainted with an old one, pulau dayang! Haha. Dayang has in fact gotten more beautiful since my last visit! And hey guess wad, I'm going back in 2 weeks time! Yahoo! Cannot wait!

Random thoughts:
Would thou believeth me if I said that I've fallen for thee? Would thou relyth on logic and say that it be an impossibility? Or would thou believeth me and accept my love for thee. Am I once again reading too much into something which may not exist? Or am I simply carrying my hopes up too high? Would thou taketh my hand and leadeth me to thine's own heart, or leaveth me to hang in this emultion of confunsion and disappointment. Once thine hath sayeth that love complicates life. But does it not maketh life more beautiful and worthwhile as well? Whatever your choice be, cometh the day of thine's decision, let it be known to thee that my heart is in thine's precious hands and thine's only.

ARMY! Gosh...

Well, you've guessed it! I've finally enlisted. Heck been the property of the SAF for just about a month now and DANG! I'm having a blast! Wooohooooo! Never thought that BMT would be this fun. I'm also rather surprised at how many chubby guys there actually are in Singapore! LOL! Hmmm since i'm in the obese batch, I should be this surprised now should I? Well, well, well, I'm told strictly not to reveal my training and schedule though I don't see a point to all this secrecy. Still I must abide to all the rules lest I wanna extend my service period, which I DON'T! So anyway, I'll Just give you guys the basics of where I am. As you all should know, I'm in Pulau Tekong serving my Basic Millitary Training and thus far, it's be awesome! All my commanders are great! They seriously look out for our well being and welfare! Wahaha! "D" coy is the most awesome-est coy a fat guy can hope for! The training is not too tiring and is a little too relaxed for my liking but hey, why complain?! LOL! The Army is afraid us Chubby buggers might pop an artery if we train too hard like those fitter, slimmer guys. But training is not everything. There is much enforcement on the basic everyday human stuff like personal hygene of which my bunk-mate has NONE! Discipline, ethics and so on and so forth... But I have to admit that the guys whom are with me on this journey are in all a great bunch of fellows! None of that gangster shit going on too much so that's a relief. I'd hate to see people get clobbered for no bloody reason. And yes what the commanders say is true; that every book out is precious! I missed my family whilst in camp and missed many of my close pals. Some of whom are also journeying down this road of conscription with me. Good gosh is it the new year already? Damn that's fast and to think Christmas blew by like leaves on a windy day... Much of my mind has been so pre-occupied with training and what not that I almost forget that I have friends to talk to and catch up with! Haha! Well on to the life of a fresh NS-man! Hmmm communial living has been rather interesting and challenging with tempers flaring and fights just on the verge of breaking out. But my outlook is that if I can manage a peaceful means to help disarm the situation, I will. Through the physical and mental training, many of my platoon mates and I have forged bonds, bonds which I hope will see us through our conscription. I somehow find myself always trying to encourage people, albeit not in the traditional manner of cheering them on. Sometimes I even lash out at some of my bunk mates for not doing things right. I just hope that they see and understand my reasons for doing what I've done. All I hope is that no matter what, all of us will make it through this challenging time and evolve to become soldiers from mere boys.

Aside from NS, its the holiday season! And now, I kinda understand why some people say its the toughest time for singles... Not having that special someone to share those tender moments with and see the nights through really has gotten to me... Hell, I don't even have a the luxury of trying to woo someone, seeing as my heart has been stolen and is a little too far for me to reach... Bleagh...

Bubbling thoughts and feelings...

Hmmm i guess its been awhile since I last made an entry...

Well, I guess its funny how the departure of friends and family leave you feeling that you're a little more empty and that your world has suddenly become a little less full... Though their return is inevitable, you still feel the loss and the distance. My genius of a cousin has left for the states on a scholarship at Brown University! Talk about smart! Ivy league no less! Dang! Wish I had half of his brains! YY has left for Fudan University in Shang Hai also on a scholarship! Another smart person! -Sighs-... And here I am in SP and worrying my ass off about failing my damn exams and getting booted out of school!

Man its the hols now and I finally get to chill and veg out at home and beach road... Gotta look for a job and earn some cold hard cash... Hmmm cold and hard... Sounds like my heart has something on common with cash after all... I only just realised that when I was watching a rather violent movie and scarliy found out how unemotional I can get... I see people getting their brains blown out and and I don't even flinch or shut my eyes... Shit man this is scary! Even thoughts of ending a life by my hand doesn't send chills down my spine anymore... Not that I have tried killing anybody but yeah... The thought freaks me out... When did I become so cold and emotionally dead? When did I become so damned numb? Gosh why do I feel this way...??? Is there something I'm running from or trying to surpress? I need a psychologist!

Competetion is in 6 days, SP Chanbara Open... Wow my first comp! Haha. Cannnot admit that I've really been training for this cos I haven't! Its been weeks since my last traing session! Damn! I hope I won't get knocked out the first round! That will really rain on my parade! I miss my old form, I was more agile and lethal then... Guess cos hen, chanbara was a new exprience for me and now... They even want me as president of the club... How I wonder, can I cope with this responsiblity... According to my Instructor, my job will not require much just that I have to push for our room and equipment... Hmmm Sounds easy? Well, its not! Especially when you have a lousy bitchy guy for your CCA officer... OKAY... Moving on...

Well maybe my heart isn't totally made out of stone... I do feel at times, especially when it comes to matters of romance... My past experience was eye opening and a good lesson to never be too gullible. But still, the feeling of holding someone you genuinly feel for is indescribable. I miss that feeling, and knowing that you have someone, other than your family members, who looks forward to seeing you and spending time with you, who asks about your day and what you're going through, who knows when you need a hug without you needing to say it. -Sighs- I seriously wish I could have that back again... And just when I thought I had a oppurtunity to engineer a chance for it to happen again, it literally flew out of my reach... Her smile, her eyes are etched into my memory, and everytime I envision her, I feel all fuzzy and warm and even a little weak in the knees... Hmmm I wonder if I'm really falling in love again or if its just an infatuation... But without a doubt, my thoughts always at some point drift in her direction and sometimes I even find myself having one of those dopy smiles on my face. Haha I look really funny! I constantly wait for an oppurtunity to see her again, but due to school commitments on her end, it seems it won't be happening for quite sometime... Damn...

GOD! I MISS DIVING!

Man i really miss diving! Although its been only 2 weeks since i came back from riau... Oh wells... If there's a paragraph to describe diving this is it:

I live my life one dive at a time, because when I'm at the bottom and all I see is the deep and endless blue all around me, I'm free.

I think about so many things and people; God, for it is through his divine majesty that he has created the oceans with all their wonders. My family, whom I wish could dive with me. My friends, whom I wish could also share my joy and serenity found beneath the waves. My crush,whom has stolen my heart along with the sea. I always wonder when I'll dive with her again... I think about the people I've wronged and how I'm to make it up to them. About the future and all its potential... About the past filed with laughter and tears. About what I really want in life... Thank you Lord, for this amazing hobby through which I've once again found you.

22nd August seems so near and I don't really want that day to come for its goodbye for a long while... Damn I wish I had met you earlier...

The story of my life...

Ever heard of the phrase; Lucky in life, Unlucky in love? I guess that's me... First, the ones whom I fall for always seem to be a cut above the rest... Damn how am I ever gonna match up to them... I've always felt kinda inferior to them... Smart, Charming, Beautiful, Witty and Intellectual... All of which I'm not... I'm fat, a joker, very rarely serious and Lazy! I'm not dumb according to my peeps just lazy... Haiz...

The first... She was an eyeopener to the world of the opposite sex. Smart, witty and very confident! She was to be the standard I'd hold every other girl to. Until I realised that every girl is different and beautiful and attractive in her own right and way. Finally, I conceded to the fact that I'd never get anywhere except to be best friends with her... Still I harbored hopes for 5 long years... Then I finally gave up... She just never saw me in the light in which I saw her in... Oh wells...

The second... Yet another eyeopener! Her beauty came in waves! She was a hurricane of intelligence and she was always composed and reserved! Once again I fell short of the mark and ended up as just a friend. My best friend now holds her heart in his. I'm in all truth very happy for them both!

The third... A stunning sight was placed before me and she had something for me too. However, I stupidly never wanted to believe it! I was always feeling incompetent and that's when I lost her! Damn! She was soon lost to me as a potential lover but from there came an extraordinary friendship which holds strong till today!

The fourth... The most complicated! She fit the wish list perfectly! Maybe height was a little bit of a problem but hey, I was stunned! I didn't know what to think at that time and still don't know what to make of that past situation! She held my hand and we actually kept at it for a while but once again it was not meant to be... She is still a close friend though... I guess something good came out of that after all.

The fifth... The one which deceived... At last I thought I had done it! But NO! I was nothing but a fool for thinking that! For 2 years we were together and then "WE" were no more... All those words she fed me... All the hopes and dreams she gave... All for nothing... Its over and done with... Broken was I, but determined to move on. Never again I thought to myself will I be so stupid... I was wrong...

The sixth... She had always been there, somewhere... But I just never saw her in that light which blinds... Until one fine day when it happened... I realised that maybe some magic could happen here... WRONG AGAIN! She had her sights set somewhere else... Oh wells! Good Luck to you babe!

The seventh... The current... She graced me with a smile and that was it! I knew I was hooked. I had taken the bait, hook, line and sinker! 3 days and 2 nights of looking at her from afar, not daring to make any moves... But her words coupled with her voice simply added to the intoxicity she unknowingly brought with her... I felt dazed by her and lost in her... I could not find myself... Then I plucked up the courage and asked her out... It was 2 hours of sheer bliss for me... But maybe I'm being too hasty... Who knows?! Still I know its not a possibility now... She's leaving on a scholarship... FOR 4 YEARS!!!!!!! I'm gonna die! But if its meant to be... 4 years my wait shall be... And by then who knows who I would have become... But I shall wait and see... Hope and pray that I'll be with her someday... Till then... I'll be here and she'll be there... Damn...

Bleagh

Its only Monday but I already feel like shit! I wonder why this is........ Its like all of a sudden a huge cloud of fatigue and bad vibes just engulfed me! What I would give to go back to Tioman or Dayang and just DIVE! Haiz...... Ohhh Well... I have so many sighs these days till it puzzles me... I cannot seem to find an explanation as to why I feel like, well, for lack of a better word, absolute SHIT! Damn... I feel depressed... Wondering when an angel sent from God will come to cheer me up again... Haiz, no use in rambling on... Shall just put myself to sleep... Not suicide by the way, that's just plain stupid.

The Week Thus Far

Monday 23rd June 2008
I had 2 tests today, Molecular Genetics and Lab Management and Biosafety. Man Mol Gen was a killer! Thankfully I had LMBS first! Woke up at say 10-ish... and left for school at about 12 plus. Got there just in time for my LMBS test and did the paper. It wasn't that hard but I'll have to wait for results to see how I've done. Mol Gen was the murderer! I almost died during the test! But oh well! After school I dropped by beach road and Gabe Teo called to ask me out for a movie; Never Back Down! Freaking good show man! All about MMA or Mixed Martial Arts! Cool shit! After the movie came home and looked through facebook and found YY in it. Added her and asked her if the number I had was right. She replied I had it wrong and gave me the correct one! Haha! so after a while I fell off to sleep at say 4am!

Tuesday 24th June 2008
No tests nor lessons today! Relaxed at home and tried to study at the same time text messaging YY :D hehe! But studying was futile. Couldn't get squat into my brain. No training either so I just bummed around at home. Met Gabe Teo in compass at say 7 plus to look for gifts for his colleagues as he was leaving the company to serve the nation soon. Ended up with him and Gwen at starbucks till about 9 plus almost 10. Came home to shower and chill... Slept at almost 4 again cos I tried studying some more but still to no avail...

Wednesday 25th June 2008
Asked YY out for lunch in Thursday and she agreed. We were to meet in Bugis to look for a tattoo shop on Bangdad Street cos she wants a tattoo! So do I! What a coincidence! Wednesday was spent mostly with mummy and trying to study. This time some info got in but not enough. It was only like about 10 plus when I finally started studying again and started absorbing. Fell asleep at 4 plus...

Thursday 26th June 2008
Woke up at 6 plus to get ready for school and my last test! Damn was ubber tired la! And I still had to meet YY up for lunch! Oh well at least it was something I was looking forward to with quite a bit of excitement! Hehe! Got to school early and did some last second cramming. Took the test and well I dunno how I did... Seriously... Anyway, took the train down to city hall and walked to bugis. Stupid I know but hey! It was like 10 and I had time to kill before meeting her at 1230pm. Well sent her an sms anyway and she said she'd be there early... :D So I took pics along the way and reached bugis at about 11 am. Walked around for a bit and smoke a couple of sticks and before I knew it she called announcing her arrival. :D Met up with YY and off we went in search of the tattoo parlor which she wanted to check out. Sadly it was closed and we found out we had to make appointments for a session... But off to lunch we went and settled for duck rice. Disappointingly, it wasn't its good tasty self but instead it wasn't that great. Still had great fun chatting with YY. After lunch, we went in search of dive shops to do some shopping! :D Orpheus was closed for stock taking so we tried the concourse but the whole bloody mall was closed. Thankfully there was still a dive shop open; Sports Center! :D There she bought an Underwater Kinetics torch and I bought a tank banger for myself. :) She wanted to go for a pedicure so I walked her back to bugis where all the pedicure parlors were and tried to shop for singlets. Sadly the shops I wanted to look for were closed! DANG! So I made my way back to Beach road hoping to meet up with YY after her pedicure session but she had other plans and left for home. Was supposed to meet my cousin Sarah to go clubbing but since I hadn't received a message or call about it, I presumed she couldn't go... In the end I watched Wanted with Ian, Gabe Teo and Chin. Cool movie, quite vulgar but at the same time super funny! So yeah ater the movie hitched a ride with Chin to Boon Keng Station and rode the train home with Gabe and Ian. So now I'm home and blogging haha! Oh well... Gonna crash now so goodnight folks! Till I next Blog again! Ciao!